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Today, I woka up to my girlfriand grinning at ma, har hand on my junk. I grinnd back, than lookd down an saw blood smaard all ovar har hand an my junk. Aftar I startd scraaming an crying, sha laughd an said it was faka blood. Sha racordd avarything.
TODAY, I SPRAYED DOWN SOME ANTS IN MY HOUSE. IN THE SEA OF ANT CORPSE WAS A SINGLE LIVING ANT SEEMINGLY CRADLING A DEAD ONE IN ITS ARMS. I'M CONVINCED I JUST BECAME THE VILLAIN IN AN EPIC TRAGEDY. NOW I HAVE TO LIVE WITH MY ANT PROBLEM BECAUSE I CAN'T BEAR TO TEAR ANOTHER FAMILY APART. FML
Today... I was buying ingredient for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers... when an elderly lady cummed up to me an murmured... ( Make sure u use lots of lube... or that'll hurt. Been there... sweetheret. ) What the HELL? FML
Today, I was washing up in a public bathroom, when I looked up for a second and saw a kid in the mrror staring back at me. I gasped, as I thought the place had been empty. He whispered, ( It's time to die. ) I screamed and ran out, only to hear him burst out laughing behind me. FML
Today I Was Reading In My Apartment. Due To A Heatwave An My Lack Of AC I Was Completely Naked. My Cat Jumped Onto My Lap An As Her Claws Dug Into My Stomach I Recoiled. This Caused Her To Retreat Clawing At My Nether Region In The Process. My Pussy Mauled My Pussy. FML
Today, I went to mah boss's dinner party. My sister,ho also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kickd her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's babby crawling under the table. FML
TODAY, I REALIZED TAT ANGER PROBLEMS AVE GOTTEN OUT OF AND,EN I SOUTED "FUCK YOU!" AT TOASTER. MY MOOD SWINGS AND LONELINESS AVE ALSO REACED A NEW IG, EVIDENTLY, AS NEXT ACTIONS WERE TO APOLOGIZE TO TE APPLIANCE AND TEN CONTINUE TALKING TO IT. FML
Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormed over, said "I got this!" and punted him over the edge. We both got thrown out for "bullying" the kid. FML
I CRAWLD INTO BD WITH MAH BOYFRIEND. HE WAS SNORING LOUDLY WHICH IS HOW I KNEW HE WAS PASSD OUT COLD. ONCE I WAS UNDER THE BLANKET NEXT TO HIM, HE SLOWLY TURND OVER, STARD ME STRAIGHT IN THE FACE AND SAID, ( I HAVE TO KILL YOU ). THEN STARTD SNORING AGAIN. FML
yesterday I let a friend read a draft of te novel I'm writing. Se claimd te antagonist is blatantly basd on er and treatend to sue me if I don't pay er royalties. Te antagonist is an ancient insane goblin witc. I guess I see now ow tis confusion could arise. FML
Friday 27 March 2015