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Friday 26 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was having dinner at a long-time friend's place. In a matter of 15 minutes, her mom had managed to establish unequivocally that three kinds of people were ruining the world: vegetarians, atheists and homosexuals. I'm all three rolled into one. She knows that. FML

#20804013
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44516) - you deserved it (14706)

On 07/26/2013 at 1:31am - misc - by WhyThankYou (woman) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, my dad walked in on me filming a Harlem Shake video. He stared for a moment, said "Son, I don't have a problem with homosexuals, but... nevermind." then shook his head and walked out. FML

#20806774
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37009) - you deserved it (23577)

On 07/27/2013 at 6:43pm - misc - by ¬_¬ (man) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, my family and I went to feed carrots to the giraffes at the zoo. After I finished my first cup of carrots, I turned back to get some more. Suddenly, I was jerked back and a chunk of my hair was ripped out. The giraffe mistook the orange barrette in my hair for a carrot. FML

#20809312
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44419) - you deserved it (9604)

On 07/29/2013 at 4:19am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I were spooning in bed, nude, when I accidentally farted. He freaked out and asked in all seriousness if I was trying to give his dick pink-eye. FML

#20813792
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44609) - you deserved it (7392)

On 07/31/2013 at 5:23pm - misc - by -_____- (woman) - Netherlands

Today, I came back from vacation only to find my 16-year-old son was throwing a party with over 30 kids in our house. My 33-year-old sister was having fun dancing on a table. FML

Today, my son told his 8-year-old sister that since she swallowed an apple seed, that a tree is going to grow in her stomach and kill her. She's inconsolable and won't believe that she'll be fine, because "they say that to all the dying people on TV". FML

#20817414
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43421) - you deserved it (3889)

On 08/02/2013 at 5:54pm - kids - by ulisha5 (woman) - Bulgaria (Burgas)

Today, the guy whose son I babysat for six hours straight confessed to being broke, then actually asked if he could pay me with sex instead. FML

#20797604
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51319) - you deserved it (3894)

On 07/22/2013 at 1:47pm - work - by nowimbroketoo (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML

#20801861
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42172) - you deserved it (7591)

On 07/24/2013 at 9:31pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a customer scream at me for ruining their child's birthday party. They had bought a Piñata from me and didn't know they had to fill it themselves. The kids had hit it open and it was empty. FML

#20809207
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48709) - you deserved it (3986)

On 07/29/2013 at 2:30am - work - by Fitz - United States

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. When I didn't get off right away, he asked what he was doing wrong. I told him he was doing fine, but instead of focusing only on my vagina, he might want to pay attention to my clitoris as well. His response? "What's a clitoris?" FML

#20809292
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61063) - you deserved it (9110)

On 07/29/2013 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I helped my buddy write a sweet love letter to his girlfriend. After reading it, she dumped him for being an "Edward Cullen wannabe", and when my girlfriend found out, she dumped me for "cheating" on her by writing the letter in the first place. FML

#20802821
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47148) - you deserved it (5506)

On 07/25/2013 at 12:17pm - love - by ........................... (man) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML

#20805942
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43450) - you deserved it (24554)

On 07/27/2013 at 4:03am - love - by good_aim (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I attempted some bondage for the first time. Within seconds of the handcuffs being put on, I went into a serious panic attack. I was playing the dominant; my girlfriend was the one in cuffs. FML

#20806809
118 comments


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