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Thursday 18 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today my friends took my work laptop an changd the sounds. Now whenever I remove a USB device a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" an when I insert a USB device it says "Oh u ned to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

#20793994
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54925) - you deserved it (6353)

On 07/20/2013 at 11:45am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I started doing it again. I'd given up fir years, buten I saw te pack I just couldn't elp myself. One taste was enoug to make me finis off teole pack. Nobody knows tat I've fallen off te wagon and I'm so asamed of myself. Today, I began eating my cat's biscuit again. real FML

#20786268
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44406) - you deserved it (32470) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/16/2013 at 9:18am - health - by Aliiiice (woman) - France (Haute-Normandie)

Taday I had to pull ona of thosa toy stratchy hands out of mah dog's butthola . It slappd ma in tha faca whan I finally got it out . FML

#20787584
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57355) - you deserved it (6796)

On 07/17/2013 at 12:48am - animals - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

TODAY, MY GIRLFRIEND WAS SITTING ON MY LAP AT A BIRTHDAY PARTY. SHE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO FART. I CUMMED INSTANTLY. FML

#20785133
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59734) - you deserved it (21057)

On 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm - intimacy - by needsnewshorts (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was on a bus an I was so exhausted that I fell asleep. According to a few other passengers, I nestled into the chest of the guy next to me, an hit him every time he made a noise. FML

#20795078
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41818) - you deserved it (9036)

On 07/21/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by accountnamevalid (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today... The Great Deal On Mah New Apartment Has Turned Into A Nightmare. I Keep Hereing Extremely Werd Sounds Almost Every Night... And When I Tried Taking Pics Of The Place Today... Mah Camera's Face Recognition Feature Kept Activating... But Only In Mah Bedroom. I'm Scared Shitless. FML

#20796032
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60483) - you deserved it (4397)

On 07/21/2013 at 4:54pm - misc - by notenoughunderwearintheworld (man) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

Today, trying to be funny in front of some friends, I held mah cat above mah head Lion King style !! The hieght must have made him nervous, because he shat on mah head !! FML

#20788265
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28421) - you deserved it (50584)

On 07/17/2013 at 12:02pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Yesterday, one of mah cats gave birth. My other cat responded by eating the new litter in a jealous rage, then got indigestion and vomited. I had to clean looool up regurgitated kittens. FML

Taday I was on drive-thru where I work . Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through . A woman cummed in and I noticed her dog . Without a thought.. . I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one . I looked again . The 'dog was her daughter . FML

#20792109
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49974) - you deserved it (24782)

On 07/19/2013 at 9:54am - work - by Treats For Days - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was getting freaky with mah boyfriend an told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me to tell him what to do. Continuing, I askd him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replid, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML

#20798640
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56361) - you deserved it (12018)

On 07/23/2013 at 12:04am - intimacy - by suckstosuck (woman) - United States (California)

Today , I was about to make a left turn . In the turn lane a little old lady was waiting 4 the light to change . On the back of her car was a bumper sticker that said ( Honk if u love Jesus! ) I gave her a honk and waved . She leaned out and yelled , ( The light's red , asshole . ) mega FML

#20786059
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45716) - you deserved it (13580)

On 07/16/2013 at 9:12am - misc - by TNDriver (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was at the park playing Frisbee with friends,hen I saw a boy sitting on a bench looking rather sad. ( Hey! ) I yelld, and he lookd up at me. I lightly threw the Frisbee in his drection, and it hit him in the face. He was blind. FML

#20788974
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54777) - you deserved it (17073)

On 07/17/2013 at 7:15pm - kids - by WasntMe - United States

TODAY, I REALISD THAT I CAN TELL 6 CATS APART BY THE SOUND OF THERE PAWS ON THE CARPET. I THINK I NED FRIENDS. FML

#20803453
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44581) - you deserved it (8834)

On 07/25/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - South Africa



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