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Tuesday 9 July 2013

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Today, I had an allergy test. Not only was I allergic to 35 out of the 40 items, they also found out that I'm allergic to the latex gloves my doctor happened to be wearing. Now my entire back is covered in a rash that will last at least another week. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2013 at 12:23am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to make a R.I.P. page for me on Facebook. Most liked post? "Too bad this page is fake." FML

by the hated / 07/08/2013 at 10:02pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my girlfriend about my extreme fear of flying roaches. She immediately got upset because she thought, since I'm from the Caribbean, I would be "manlier" and "eat stuff like that for breakfast". FML

by sammy77sam / 07/15/2013 at 9:41am / Saint Kitts and Nevis (Saint George Basseterre) / Transportation

Today, while mourning my friend's recent passing, my dad told me to shut the fuck up because "worse things are going on in the world". FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2013 at 3:37pm / Brazil (Sao Paulo) / Miscellaneous

Today, my older brother told me that the only reason I like cats is because they control minds. I laughed. He was serious. FML

by Zoey_M / 07/08/2013 at 7:26pm / Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad) / Animals

Today, while ironing some shirts, my cat decided to hop up and investigate. To prevent him from burning himself, I instinctively moved the iron away and placed it flat on my other hand. FML

by kutekittykatz / 07/10/2013 at 4:58am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Animals

Today, I was walking down the street when someone pushed me into poison ivy. He ran off saying, "That's for beating me in the race." I've never been in a race, nor have I ever met him. FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2013 at 11:15am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, while lifeguarding at my local beach, I noticed someone having difficulty swimming back to shore. I ran out and swam him back to shore. Once we were on dry land, he cussed me out for "emasculating" him in front of his girlfriend. FML

by thatkid00117 / 07/15/2013 at 1:15pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at a music festival, and my mum had told me not to to drink. Someone threw a cup of beer at me, and I was worried about smelling of alcohol. It's okay though, because a second cup of urine took the alcohol smell right away. FML

by Festivaler / 07/13/2013 at 3:14am / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a text from my dad, which was borderline-incomprehensible due to an insane amount of text language. I replied, jokingly asked if he had a stroke while writing it. A few seconds after hitting send, I remembered the stroke he suffered last month. FML

by hellbound / 07/12/2013 at 12:35pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had the opportunity to taste a live spider by walking into its web in the dark. FML

by pinkXpress1023 / 07/08/2013 at 2:55pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I politely asked a man to not sleep on a tram stop that I had to clean. He got up, and while I leaned forward to pick up some trash from the ground nearby, I felt a warm stream on my back. Now I can't get the smell of urine off my clothes. FML

by FUCK.THIS.JOB. / 07/08/2013 at 1:57am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Work

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of over a year has been cheating on me the whole time, but that "it's just physical". However, he doesn't want to do anything "physical" with me, except cuddle when we're together. FML

by heartbroken / 07/10/2013 at 3:08pm / Australia / Love