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Monday 24 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML

#20755283
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48758) - you deserved it (3125)

On 06/30/2013 at 12:21am - misc - by whipplewhip - United States

Today, my boss gave me an autographed photo of himself after he heard that I think he's intimidatingly attractive. FML

#20743881
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36891) - you deserved it (8670)

On 06/24/2013 at 1:20am - work - by myfavoritesgouda (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML

#20745688
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50011) - you deserved it (13797)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:22am - intimacy - by dan (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my crush kissed me for the first time. However, my hair was falling into my face and getting in the way. No problem, I wear a wig so without thinking, I simply removed it. I don't think he'll kiss me again anytime soon. FML

#20755685
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47278) - you deserved it (18232)

On 06/30/2013 at 6:58am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I decided to try Karate. In an attempt to roundhouse-kick a hanging boxing glove, I knocked over a lamp, lost my balance and pulled down my curtains. My neighbor then looked through the window, started laughing and yelled, "KUNG FO POWA!" FML

#20749220
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25194) - you deserved it (31841)

On 06/26/2013 at 9:57pm - misc - by blahblah (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was accused of shooting drugs at work. I was only feeding a baby bird that was tucked into my arm using a medicine syringe. I've been smuggling it to work because it has to eat every 2 hours or it will starve. Now everyone there thinks I'm a hardcore dope fiend. FML

#20751061
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43808) - you deserved it (7949)

On 06/27/2013 at 7:56pm - animals - by Gribby - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML

#20749746
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37938) - you deserved it (3576)

On 06/27/2013 at 2:22am - work - by confusedbagel (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to a flooded basement. That basement is my bedroom, so I'm completely surrounded by water. All I need is a tiger and this would be like The Life of Pi. FML

#20752548
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45297) - you deserved it (3427)

On 06/28/2013 at 2:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, I bumped into my parents at the mall. They didn't tell me they were around. I live 5,000 miles away, in a different country from them. FML

#20744316
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57812) - you deserved it (3505)

On 06/24/2013 at 10:16am - misc - by Coolios (man) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I found my cat dead on the road. I called my family and told them, and later buried the cat. Not long after I got done burying it, my cat walked up to me. I buried someone else's cat. FML

#20757856
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47792) - you deserved it (9954)

On 07/01/2013 at 12:10pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I used a public restroom. I saw my sister's shoes walk into the stall next to me, so I gave her a little nudge with my foot. We then nudged each other until I walked out and saw a homeless man with the same shoes as my sister. He then tried to hold my hand. FML

#20745749
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25810) - you deserved it (40141)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I foolishly thought that I was alone in the house, and let out a huge fart on the toilet. This went on for a while due to an upset stomach. I later walked into the living room only to find my parents and a few of their friends sitting on the couch, teary-eyed from laughing so much. FML

Today, while using a urinal in a very busy mall bathroom, another man unzipped his pants and attempted to use the same one as me. FML

#20751757
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49190) - you deserved it (2803)

On 06/28/2013 at 1:16am - health - by not cool (man) - Australia (Queensland)



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