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Saturday 22 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML

#20751604
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37385) - you deserved it (4792)

On 06/27/2013 at 11:57pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a group of friends and I went out to a fancy club together. The doorman checked us out and let everyone in. Everyone except me, that is. The doorman's reason: "Her face looks like a baboon's arse." My "friends" all went in anyway, leaving me to walk all the way home. FML

#20753013
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46892) - you deserved it (4213)

On 06/28/2013 at 7:22pm - misc - by arse-face (woman) - Ireland (Clare)

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to change the language setting on my phone to Mandarin. Unfortunately, neither of us knows Mandarin, and we can't change it back to English. FML

#20753667
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36854) - you deserved it (7236)

On 06/29/2013 at 1:31am - misc - by damniphone - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a drunk driver drove his car through my mailbox. He got pissed, started yelling, and threatened to sue me for "putting the mailbox in the middle of the road". If my front lawn is a road, I'm going to have some serious issues. FML

#20754226
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38053) - you deserved it (2225)

On 06/29/2013 at 12:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my boss held my hair while I threw up. It's day two on the job. FML

#20738351
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43941) - you deserved it (8139)

On 06/21/2013 at 12:44am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML

#20740202
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41979) - you deserved it (3030)

On 06/22/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I held a party for my family so I could announce my pregnancy. In the middle of my speech, my mother stopped me, saying, "Nobody gives a rat's ass, where's the booze?" FML

#20745652
82 comments

Today, someone came into the store I work at, laughed at my name on my name-tag, and left without even buying anything. FML

#20747987
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33617) - you deserved it (3111)

On 06/26/2013 at 5:07am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my mother Skyping with her new "boyfriend" about the $1,000 she just sent him. She barely knew what internet dating was three weeks ago. FML

#20748170
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41527) - you deserved it (3084)

On 06/26/2013 at 10:08am - money - by weneedthatmoneytoliveon (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was doing a little victory jig after finally sending out the last of the invitation cards for my wedding when I realised that I had forgotten to put the date of the event on them. FML

#20749970
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34396) - you deserved it (19921)

On 06/27/2013 at 8:13am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my parents' house. I recently lost about 30 lbs. My mom hugged me and said, "Aww, you're not my chubby baby girl anymore." She then said she wished I were still fat because she missed it. She's the reason I lost the weight; she used to tease and taunt me. Thanks Mom. FML

#20752290
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46993) - you deserved it (3071)

On 06/28/2013 at 11:51am - misc - by me - United States

Today, I was eating lunch when my grandmother came over and started watching me. Suddenly she said, "I see you're getting breasts". I'm a guy. FML

#20736581
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35825) - you deserved it (7322)

On 06/20/2013 at 1:49am - misc - by ohmygod (man) - United States

Today, I left hospital after a three-night stay. Whilst waiting for my taxi to arrive, my mother called me in hysterics wanting to know where I was, because the police had called her and told her I had gone missing. Turns out my doctor "forgot" to tell anyone that I was discharged. FML



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