Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Monday 17 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was told by a friend that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. Her defence was that if I had a bigger dick she wouldn't have been, in her words, forced to go elsewhere for sex. My mother's response when I confided this in her: "Ask me if I care." FML

#20742827
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49074) - you deserved it (4664)

On 06/23/2013 at 3:19pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was packing up my stuff about to go home. I shut off my MacBook but was still pretending to work for the last few minutes, typing on the keyboard. A good way through, I realized my co-worker sitting across from me could see that the Apple logo was off. FML

#20732510
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17084) - you deserved it (44095)

On 06/17/2013 at 8:55pm - work - by awk1 - United States (Georgia)

Today, after cricket training, the homeless man that lives in the drain next to the nets threw a beer bottle full of piss at me for rejecting him for a date last week. I ducked; it sailed through my car’s open window and smashed all over the seats. FML

#20738647
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48215) - you deserved it (4616)

On 06/21/2013 at 5:04am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I was playing a video game that required me to hunt a few animals. My mom walked in, saw what I was doing, then went into her psycho vegan mode and started yelling at me. She basically grounded me for "murdering" pixels on a screen. FML

#20742729
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44010) - you deserved it (4211)

On 06/23/2013 at 2:14pm - misc - by welp, time to become an assassin (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door to borrow my laundry room key. He was bare-ass naked. When I refused to open the door, he tried to break it down. I had to call the police before he would leave. FML

Today, a customer broke my nose for refusing to give him a discount because the product he was buying had a fine layer of dust on the box. FML

#20736654
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43222) - you deserved it (3027)

On 06/20/2013 at 2:32am - work - by Whytetrash - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, in a fit of paranoid hysteria, my mom threw out my phone, claiming the NSA can look through the camera to spy on me. I guess that's why you're still using your own phone to sext your latest boyfriend, eh mom? FML

#20737057
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39976) - you deserved it (2641)

On 06/20/2013 at 12:02pm - misc - by whoriblemomindeed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, a guy's car broke down in my street, so I helped him push it into my driveway, checked his car out, and gave it a jump start. He thanked me, then as he went to pull out, he instead smashed straight into my car. FML

#20737568
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48672) - you deserved it (3751)

On 06/20/2013 at 5:13pm - misc - by clop clop clopping all the way (man) - United States

Today, I was at the airport when I saw a woman drop her bags and run to her husband. Thinking that someone might steal them, I picked up her bags and brought them over to her. She thanked me by slapping me, calling me a bitch and calling security. FML

#20735913
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38424) - you deserved it (5175)

On 06/19/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I helped an elderly lady put a bookshelf in her car. She then thanked me by hitting me with her car as she drove out of the parking lot. FML

#20736007
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39415) - you deserved it (2872)

On 06/19/2013 at 9:09pm - work - by anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, it marks the fourth month since my 15-year-old cousin asked me out, then started practically stalking me when I said no. It's also the fourth month of my parents and his constantly telling me to stop overreacting and that it's "just a phase." FML

#20740640
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44542) - you deserved it (3134)

On 06/22/2013 at 10:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, while working at my job at a nursing home, I slipped and fell. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just water. No, one of the residents had just had an "accident". FML

#20740385
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42896) - you deserved it (3496)

On 06/22/2013 at 3:20am - work - by no name - United States (Michigan)

Today, while working the graveyard shift at my hotel, it felt a little chilly, so I grabbed a blanket out of the box we usually store old blankets in. 20 minutes later, the live-in maintenance man casually remarked that those blankets are all infected with bed-bugs. FML

#20741908
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43048) - you deserved it (6614)

On 06/23/2013 at 12:10am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: