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Wednesday 12 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to pick up my 6-year-old son from his friend's house. They were having a great time, and he didn't want to leave. So, while I wasn't looking, he superglued both his hands to their kitchen table. FML

#20720952
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49987) - you deserved it (5002)

On 06/12/2013 at 2:21am - kids - by firestar772 - United States (California)

Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML

#20728960
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60689) - you deserved it (6238)

On 06/16/2013 at 7:37am - intimacy - by idontwanttoknow - United States

Today, I was told by my grandfather that I was no longer allowed to visit him or to set foot in his house. Why? He found out I have been taking Japanese and German as electives in my degree, so I must be an 'enemy spy'. FML

#20716829
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47448) - you deserved it (4844)

On 06/10/2013 at 1:09am - work - by Frazz (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went to a bar for some drinks. A guy looked me up and down, gave me a suggestive smile, then asked for my name and number. I'd have been a little less creeped out if he hadn't been standing beside me at the urinal the whole time. FML

#20728225
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47805) - you deserved it (3815) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 06/15/2013 at 6:24pm - love - by Sovekipisse (man) - France (Pays de la Loire)

Today, I went fishing with my dad. I figured, since we were out on the dock, I may as well get rid of my farmer's tan. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up to a fishing net draped over me. I now have a fishnet pattern down the front of my body. FML

#20730236
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39239) - you deserved it (11191)

On 06/16/2013 at 9:39pm - misc - by jhughes1997 (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML

#20727456
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40077) - you deserved it (3715)

On 06/15/2013 at 1:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I attended my mother's funeral. My husband came too, and during the service, I kept hearing him giggling. I wrote it off as the usual awkward nerves, until he started snorting too, and I caught sight of the iPhone under his jacket. He was reading this very site. FML

#20725457
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58091) - you deserved it (3970)

On 06/14/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Cyprus (Limassol)

Today, I was riding a bike when a truck accidentally hit me. The handsome driver came out and asked if I was alright. I said, "I am now" and winked. He said "Eww, no" then immediately ran away and drove his truck around me. FML

#20724353
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39941) - you deserved it (25122)

On 06/13/2013 at 9:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I witnessed an elderly lady getting mugged. I ran over to the guy mugging her and offered him the money in my wallet in return for him leaving her alone. The old lady snatched my money and ran away with the mugger. What the hell just happened? FML

#20733745
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53111) - you deserved it (8728)

On 06/18/2013 at 6:01pm - money - by No money, mo' problems - United States

Today, I went to a new bar with friends. After arriving I became extremely gassy; I planned a smooth release during the loud music. Little did I know the bar occasionally dips its music to hear the guests singing. When the music turned off all eyes turned to me. FML

#20731175
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41579) - you deserved it (13622)

On 06/17/2013 at 9:55am - health - by nomwar (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that the same police officer who has arrested me twice has been sleeping with my wife. FML

#20731650
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74441) - you deserved it (6776)

On 06/17/2013 at 3:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my co-workers figured out that I was in high school when my husband was in kindergarten. They won't stop calling me a "cougar". FML

#20718644
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31385) - you deserved it (47806)

On 06/10/2013 at 11:19pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my son visited for the first time in three years, asking to stay a while. It turns out he insulted someone online and gave his address in case they wanted to fight him. They accepted the offer, and so my son's imaginary Muay Thai skills went AWOL, along with his testicles. FML

#20726002
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41335) - you deserved it (4399)

On 06/14/2013 at 6:12pm - kids - by I fathered a pussy. (man) - United States (Florida)



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