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Wednesday 5 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I left my dog in the car while I quickly ran into a store. I came out to a woman smashing at my window, screaming that it was too hot in the car for the dog and saying I was being inhumane. The car was still running and the air conditioning was on. FML

#20721457
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59760) - you deserved it (8561)

On 06/12/2013 at 12:47pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, at work, a customer came in and ordered a "Butterbeer Frappuccino." When I said we serve no such thing, she yelled at me for "lying" to her, saying she knew about our "secret menu." She ended up complaining to my manager and demanded that he fire me. FML

#20714023
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52938) - you deserved it (4007)

On 06/08/2013 at 6:20pm - work - by I hate my job (woman) - United States

Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML

#20705435
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32966) - you deserved it (48329)

On 06/04/2013 at 1:15pm - health - by poisonivyretard (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I found out that my restaurant's food is so bad that the only reason some people visit is because they're punishing their kids. FML

#20715456
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45715) - you deserved it (13617)

On 06/09/2013 at 1:38pm - work - by not the cook (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after years of researching and saving money, I got a pet fox. I was able to enjoy the majesty of the animal for three hours before it burrowed under the fence and ran away. FML

#20717566
314 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35388) - you deserved it (51878)

On 06/10/2013 at 2:01pm - animals - by SadFoxLady (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We'd been talking about the move where you pick a girl up and kiss, and how romantic that would be, so we decided to try it. When he picked me up, my head slammed against his ceiling fan. FML

Today, I got mugged on the way to my 21st birthday party at a bar. I begged the thug to at least throw me my ID, only to have him laugh and run away singing "happy birthday". FML

#20711068
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56223) - you deserved it (3547)

On 06/07/2013 at 1:14am - money - by ididntevendrinkthatnight - United States (New York)

Today, my wife decided to check her email, while I was still inside her. FML

#20714723
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62315) - you deserved it (12389)

On 06/09/2013 at 1:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, at the gym, my boobs were jiggling more than the girl next to me. This would be a good thing, if I wasn't a guy. FML

#20712866
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48132) - you deserved it (15497)

On 06/08/2013 at 12:42am - health - by random - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband farted, grabbed a fan and blew the smell right at me. Disgusted, I reminded him that I’m a lady, not a dude. He burst out laughing and sang, "Dude looks like a lady." FML

#20716353
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39807) - you deserved it (7218)

On 06/09/2013 at 9:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend threw out my old voicemail recorder, thinking it was junk. My father passed away years ago. I kept a recording of the last voicemail he'd left me on it so I'd always remember his voice. FML

#20718168
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76620) - you deserved it (3869)

On 06/10/2013 at 7:35pm - misc - by Upset (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I watched the new movie "The Purge." After the movie, I jokingly asked him that if the U.S. had such a purge in real life, would he participate, and who would he kill first. Without missing a beat, he said, "you." FML

#20714140
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41328) - you deserved it (8091)

On 06/08/2013 at 7:43pm - misc - by purged (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML

#20713749
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45797) - you deserved it (8934)

On 06/08/2013 at 3:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)



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