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Monday 3 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

#20711208
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58506) - you deserved it (67403)

On 06/07/2013 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while sexting my girlfriend, I accidently sent a picture to her father instead of her. He sent back a link to a penis enlargement company's website. FML

#20705129
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32385) - you deserved it (68745)

On 06/04/2013 at 8:15am - misc - by tinypenis - United States (New York)

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

#20713183
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61270) - you deserved it (13875)

On 06/08/2013 at 6:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. 20 minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML

#20708003
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53707) - you deserved it (4069)

On 06/05/2013 at 6:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my 6-year-old son was so angry at me for not buying him overpriced candy at the airport, that he told a security guard I had a machine gun in my suitcase. The interrogation was not pleasant. FML

#20703790
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63636) - you deserved it (7929)

On 06/03/2013 at 5:16pm - kids - by VDM (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my wife uttered the soul-crushing words, "But we're married now, why would we have sex?" FML

#20706140
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88147) - you deserved it (8401)

On 06/04/2013 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by ._. (man) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, my boyfriend of six days proposed to me. FML

#20708141
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84825) - you deserved it (11952)

On 06/05/2013 at 7:11pm - love - by The Clitshank Redemption (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML

#20707362
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53873) - you deserved it (4954)

On 06/05/2013 at 11:08am - misc - by Thanks Honey (woman) - United States

Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML

#20709788
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53658) - you deserved it (3674)

On 06/06/2013 at 2:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Isle of Man

Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. 15 minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML

#20718656
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60866) - you deserved it (16787)

On 06/10/2013 at 11:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I walked in on my dad masturbating to a nude photo of my mum on the computer. She passed away four years ago. FML

#20713899
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72222) - you deserved it (13734)

On 06/08/2013 at 4:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Bromley)

Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML

#20715175
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59940) - you deserved it (10184)

On 06/09/2013 at 10:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)



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