Choose the period

Wednesday 8 May 2013

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, my girlfriend was visiting, and while in the bathroom, she clogged the toilet. Since there was no plunger in the room, she unclogged it with the only thing she could find: my mother's hairbrush. FML

by Anonymous / 05/13/2013 at 1:02am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was told I would not be getting the job I was offered because I failed my drug test. They never gave me a drug test. FML

by Confused / 05/13/2013 at 10:39am / United States (Maine) / Work

Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML

by wellokaythen / 05/14/2013 at 3:52pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my ex-wife, whom I divorced just 8 months ago, asked me to attend her wedding, because "it would mean a lot" to her. She's marrying the man she cheated on me with. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2013 at 12:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was rushed to the ER due to a very swollen foot and high fever. The doctors said I just have a tissue infection but my parents believe I have a flesh eating disease. I can hear them discussing my future with an amputated leg. FML

by iLikeMyLegs / 05/09/2013 at 7:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML

by Sebastian20 / 05/08/2013 at 7:05am / Netherlands (Groningen) / Miscellaneous

Today, a client refused to pay after I mowed her lawn. Her reasoning? I had entered her basement "without permission." I require on-site equipment be provided, and she kept her mower in her basement. I only knew it was in the basement because she'd showed me, and told me where the key was. FML

by Wealthyparrot / 05/10/2013 at 4:24am / United States / Work

Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML

by Seriously? / 05/15/2013 at 5:47pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I decided I would try this feature on my banking app which lets me deposit checks by sending a picture of it. The instructions say to rip the check after depositing. The deposit didn't work and now I've got a ripped up paycheck. FML

by Checkless chick / 05/08/2013 at 6:21pm / United States / Money

Today, my parents scoured my browser history, certain that I have a hidden Facebook account that I'm using to get up to no good. Their reasoning was that there's no way my only friends are my relatives and that all I can post about is about the weather. FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2013 at 1:15am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother's friend was about to drive home drunk, so I convinced him to think and not be stupid. It wasn't an invitation to puke on my floor then try to crawl into bed with me. FML

by GaveAnInchTakeAMile / 05/11/2013 at 5:52am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that the "dish soap" my sister uses to clean our dishes when it's her turn, is actually a semi-toxic floor cleaner. FML

by emmingle / 05/13/2013 at 7:05pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I did my small part to help the environment by hanging my clothes outside to dry rather than using the dryer. The birds showed their appreciation by crapping on the majority of my clothes. FML

by hitchcock2013 / 05/07/2013 at 1:10pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals