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Thursday 2 May 2013

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Today, after my mom picked me up from the mall, she asked me what was in my bag from Gap. I wouldn't tell her, and she ended up grounding me. It was her Mother's Day present. FML

by anonymous / 05/06/2013 at 2:08pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend. Being the mature one, I went up to her and said, "Hey, how's it going?" She maced me and kept walking. FML

by wat_dafuq_bro / 05/06/2013 at 2:06am / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents finally got married. At the after-party, my mother got drunk and informed me that even though she and my father were now married, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still a bastard. FML

by SierraCheyenne / 04/29/2013 at 9:57pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids

Today, from the balcony of my apartment, I watched helplessly as a teen came along and peed through my car's open window. FML

by Sean / 05/01/2013 at 12:44am / Canada (Quebec) / Kids

Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML

by inyobeddd / 05/02/2013 at 4:27am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent hours playing my guitar and singing in the street, hoping to make some extra cash. About 3 hours in, I realized some punk had been walking around with a hat taking money as if he was with me. FML

by honeynuggetviolin / 04/30/2013 at 8:31pm / Money

Today, my future father-in-law showed everyone a picture of his poop because it was "shaped like a banana." My fiancé's whole family thought it was funny and "looked more like a banana than last time." FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 11:04am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I got a breast exam. I'd never had one before, but assumed it would be quick and easy. I had no idea how ticklish my boobs are. I burst out in uncontrollable laughter and kept instinctively jerking away. FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2013 at 2:42am / United States / Health

Today, I was out jogging, when I saw a girl fall off her bike and start crying. I ran over to see if she was hurt. Apparently her neighbour thought I was trying to kidnap her, because he ran out with a baseball bat and threatened to beat me to death if I didn't get lost. FML

by bet a woman would've been thanked / 05/07/2013 at 4:21pm / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Kids

Today, by pure chance, I found the website where my boyfriend has been getting all the cute, "original" romantic texts he sends me, including the one that made me fall in love with him to begin with. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2013 at 12:30pm / Saudi Arabia (Makkah) / Love

Today, my dog became scared of his own food bowl. He now barks for ages every time he sees it. FML

by conbon123 / 04/29/2013 at 3:20am / United States (Oregon) / Animals

Today, I told my family I'm going shopping with my friend "Emma". My sister's been teasing me about this saying, "Emma can't exist! She's not real! You don't have any friends." She's right. FML

by 19kwhatever / 05/08/2013 at 9:22pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, marks the third week in which my girlfriend has gone without taking a shower. She does this every so often, taking showers roughly once per month. She's convinced baby wipes will "hold her over". FML

by SingleStrongArm / 05/03/2013 at 1:16am / Canada (Ontario) / Love