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Thursday 2 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had my college graduation ceremony. As I was walking across the stage, some asshat, in front of over 55,000 students and staff, brazenly ran across the stage, snatched my diploma up out of the president's hand, and ran off. FML

#20651616
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56042) - you deserved it (3850)

On 05/09/2013 at 6:11am - misc - by Uwrongfodat (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized my favorite pen advertises a vaginal cream. I've been letting people borrow it for months. FML

#20634740
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37347) - you deserved it (8216)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:28pm - misc - by MrConcise (man) - United States

Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML

#20634792
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58345) - you deserved it (4200)

On 05/01/2013 at 1:23pm - health - by DemiRawrs - United States

Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML

#20636451
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45000) - you deserved it (6216)

On 05/02/2013 at 4:27am - misc - by inyobeddd (man) - United States (California)

Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML

#20638629
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57404) - you deserved it (7888)

On 05/03/2013 at 8:13am - intimacy - by Who1s269 (man) - United States

Today, I was reading and started laughing at a funny part in my book. My mom then bitched me out because she thought I was laughing at her. She called me a liar after I explained myself. Her logic? "Books aren't funny". FML

#20647629
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45224) - you deserved it (3615)

On 05/07/2013 at 12:43pm - misc - by Marmarfarfar (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

#20638599
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48452) - you deserved it (5171)

On 05/03/2013 at 7:32am - health - by poopydaddy - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad called me a "deadbeat loser" after I came back from my first day of voluntary rehab for my meth problem. He's never had a job in his life and sits on the sofa all day, smoking weed and playing video games, all on my mom's salary. FML

#20642863
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54660) - you deserved it (7860)

On 05/05/2013 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried channeling Mr. Miyagi by catching a fly with my bare hands. It turned out to be a wasp. FML

#20643732
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20145) - you deserved it (45857)

On 05/05/2013 at 7:30pm - misc - by FML136969 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my nose started running while in bed with my boyfriend. I kept trying to wipe it off with my arm to avoid ruining the moment. My boyfriend then looks up at me in horror. Turns out it wasn't mucus; it was blood. And it was all over his neck, his shirt, and his silk sheets. FML

#20647224
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62108) - you deserved it (11976)

On 05/07/2013 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Sirah90 (woman) - United States

Today, I got a breast exam. I'd never had one before, but assumed it would be quick and easy. I had no idea how ticklish my boobs are. I burst out in uncontrollable laughter and kept instinctively jerking away. FML

#20649324
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40475) - you deserved it (5057)

On 05/08/2013 at 2:42am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was getting into the mood with my boyfriend. Ten minutes into it, I told him to "teach me a lesson." His response: "I ain't no teacher." FML

#20629715
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46208) - you deserved it (11672)

On 04/29/2013 at 3:08am - intimacy - by unforgettablee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, from the balcony of my apartment, I watched helplessly as a teen came along and peed through my car's open window. FML

#20634162
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43035) - you deserved it (11115)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:44am - kids - by Sean - Canada (Quebec)



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