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Wednesday 1 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, it's my birthday. I worked late, so I was looking forward to spending a quiet evening with my husband. When he suggested we go grocery shopping, I got excited thinking he had organized a surprise party or something. He actually just took me grocery shopping. FML

#20647398
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48734) - you deserved it (8905)

On 05/07/2013 at 8:48am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was out jogging, when I saw a girl fall off her bike and start crying. I ran over to see if she was hurt. Apparently her neighbour thought I was trying to kidnap her, because he ran out with a baseball bat and threatened to beat me to death if I didn't get lost. FML

#20647971
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45856) - you deserved it (2723)

On 05/07/2013 at 4:21pm - kids - by bet a woman would've been thanked (man) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I spent hours playing my guitar and singing in the street, hoping to make some extra cash. About 3 hours in, I realized some punk had been walking around with a hat taking money as if he was with me. FML

#20633517
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44310) - you deserved it (5014)

On 04/30/2013 at 8:31pm - money - by honeynuggetviolin -

Today, my boss called me into his office. After yelling and firing me, his assistant comes in telling him he had mistaken me for someone else. He did not give me my job back, as he claimed it would make an awkward work environment. FML

#20635835
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48585) - you deserved it (2233)

On 05/01/2013 at 9:52pm - work - by Paul (man) - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend. Being the mature one, I went up to her and said, "Hey, how's it going?" She maced me and kept walking. FML

#20644793
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46071) - you deserved it (10104)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:06am - misc - by wat_dafuq_bro (man) -

Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML

#20645667
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51585) - you deserved it (8553)

On 05/06/2013 at 3:58pm - intimacy - by stretchy - United States (Maryland)

Today, my co-worker and I played a game where we give each other the bird in whatever creative manner we could come up with. Deciding to be sneaky, I hid behind a wall with my middle finger up as I heard him walking into the office. It was my boss. FML

#20635309
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15967) - you deserved it (35877)

On 05/01/2013 at 5:48pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was forced to work with someone I absolutely hate. I then found myself starting to like him, until he shot me in the forehead with a stapler gun. FML

#20639773
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47082) - you deserved it (4273)

On 05/03/2013 at 9:30pm - work - by annoyedgirl - United States (Washington)

Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML

#20649461
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39480) - you deserved it (14348)

On 05/08/2013 at 7:05am - misc - by Sebastian20 (man) - Netherlands (Groningen)

Today, my boss asked me to read through a document. I gave my feedback, saying it seemed like it had been written by an 8-year-old. Turns out it was in fact written by him. FML

#20649842
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40848) - you deserved it (14706)

On 05/08/2013 at 12:59pm - work - by anon_1996 - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, it's my birthday. Three people wished me happy birthday: Google, my insurance company, and the place I lease my car from. FML

#20649920
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52231) - you deserved it (3865)

On 05/08/2013 at 1:48pm - misc - by trice (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was so nervous about a first date that trying to break a silence in the beginning, I asked, "So, you afraid of any insects?" No wonder I didn't get a second date. FML

#20632372
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34765) - you deserved it (10459)

On 04/30/2013 at 8:28am - love - by Gioia (woman) - Bulgaria (Vidin)

Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML

#20632607
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38754) - you deserved it (4121)

On 04/30/2013 at 12:03pm - animals - by good husband - Canada



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