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Wednesday 1 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, it's my birthday. I worked late, so I was looking forward to spending a quiet evening with my husband. When he suggested we go grocery shopping, I got excited thinking he had organized a surprise party or something. He actually just took me grocery shopping. FML

#20647398
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49033) - you deserved it (8934)

On 05/07/2013 at 8:48am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was out jogging, when I saw a girl fall off her bike and start crying. I ran over to see if she was hurt. Apparently her neighbour thought I was trying to kidnap her, because he ran out with a baseball bat and threatened to beat me to death if I didn't get lost. FML

#20647971
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47214) - you deserved it (2819)

On 05/07/2013 at 4:21pm - kids - by bet a woman would've been thanked (man) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I tried to "trip" and fall into this guy I've had a crush on. I missed and fell on my face. He stepped over me and kept walking. FML

#20646330
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24271) - you deserved it (48676)

On 05/06/2013 at 8:45pm - misc - by clumsy - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I learned that binding my stomach with duct tape isn't worth it to look thin. I also learned the even worse part when I shrieked more loudly than I should've when I tried to discreetly rip it off in history class. FML

Today, my boss called me into his office. After yelling and firing me, his assistant comes in telling him he had mistaken me for someone else. He did not give me my job back, as he claimed it would make an awkward work environment. FML

#20635835
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49493) - you deserved it (2301)

On 05/01/2013 at 9:52pm - work - by Paul (man) - United States

Today, I was forced to work with someone I absolutely hate. I then found myself starting to like him, until he shot me in the forehead with a stapler gun. FML

#20639773
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47369) - you deserved it (4292)

On 05/03/2013 at 9:30pm - work - by annoyedgirl - United States (Washington)

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend. Being the mature one, I went up to her and said, "Hey, how's it going?" She maced me and kept walking. FML

#20644793
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47836) - you deserved it (10527)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:06am - misc - by wat_dafuq_bro (man) -

Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML

#20645667
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54246) - you deserved it (8885)

On 05/06/2013 at 3:58pm - intimacy - by stretchy - United States (Maryland)

Today, I finally got a phone call from a publisher saying they would publish the book I'd written. I'd gotten loads of rejection letters, so I was so excited. Until I realized it was my dad, feeling sorry for me. FML

#20646182
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42808) - you deserved it (3318)

On 05/06/2013 at 7:43pm - work - by sobasics - United States

Today, my boss asked me to read through a document. I gave my feedback, saying it seemed like it had been written by an 8-year-old. Turns out it was in fact written by him. FML

#20649842
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42574) - you deserved it (15204)

On 05/08/2013 at 12:59pm - work - by anon_1996 - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML

#20632607
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40645) - you deserved it (4293)

On 04/30/2013 at 12:03pm - animals - by good husband - Canada

Today, my co-worker and I played a game where we give each other the bird in whatever creative manner we could come up with. Deciding to be sneaky, I hid behind a wall with my middle finger up as I heard him walking into the office. It was my boss. FML

#20635309
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16243) - you deserved it (36437)

On 05/01/2013 at 5:48pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, marks the third week in which my girlfriend has gone without taking a shower. She does this every so often, taking showers roughly once per month. She's convinced baby wipes will "hold her over". FML

#20638375
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54546) - you deserved it (9281)

On 05/03/2013 at 1:16am - love - by SingleStrongArm - Canada (Ontario)



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