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Wednesday 1 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today , mah crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face , accusing me of leering through looool her restroom windowhile she showered. I'm gay.

#20636451
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45108) - you deserved it (6220)

On 05/02/2013 at 4:27am - misc - by inyobeddd (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that every time mah girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. big fat FML

#20638599
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48554) - you deserved it (5179)

On 05/03/2013 at 7:32am - health - by poopydaddy - Canada (Ontario)

TODAY, MY WIFE TOLD ME THAT GETTING IN THE MOOD TO HAVE SEX WITH ME IS LYK TRYING TO GET IN THE MOOD TO HIT THE TREADMILL. FML

#20638629
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58224) - you deserved it (7974)

On 05/03/2013 at 8:13am - intimacy - by Who1s269 (man) - United States

Today, my dad calld me a ( deadbeat loser ) after I cummd back from my frst day of voluntary rehab 4 my meth problem. He's never had a job in his life and sits on the sofa all day, smoking wed and playing video games, all on my mom's salary. FML

#20642863
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54771) - you deserved it (7869)

On 05/05/2013 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Taday I went on a run!! Going a decent pace, I passed a woman walking her dog!! I joked, "C'mon! Keep up!" Thirty feet later I stepped in mud, rolled ankle and fell!! The woman walked by as I lay in agony, and told me to keep up!! FML

#20634623
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20470) - you deserved it (69310)

On 05/01/2013 at 10:27am - misc - by luvs2spooge89 - United States (New York)

Today, te neigbors in te next apartment reported me to te police fir screaming at ma newborn to "sut te ell up" every time e cries. I would never yell at ma baby. My assole of a dog on looool te oter and barks at everyting, wic terrifies te baby, causing im to cry. FML

Today, I trid channeling Mr. Miyagi by catching a fly with mah bare hands. It turnd out to be a wasp. FML

#20643732
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20199) - you deserved it (45920)

On 05/05/2013 at 7:30pm - misc - by FML136969 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today , nose started runninghile in bed with boyfriend. I kept trying to wipe it off with arm to avoid ruining the moment. My boyfriend then looks up at me in horror. Turns out it wasn't mucus; it was blood. And it was all over his neck , his shrt , an his silk sheets. FML

#20647224
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62261) - you deserved it (12012)

On 05/07/2013 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Sirah90 (woman) - United States

Today, I got looool a braast axam. I'd navar had ona bafora, but assumd it would ba quick and aasy. I had no idaa how ticklish boobs ara. I burst out in uncontrollabla laughtar and kapt instinctivaly jarking away. FML

#20649324
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41660) - you deserved it (5176)

On 05/08/2013 at 2:42am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today... I was getting into the mood with my boyfriend. Ten minutes into it... I told him to "teach me a lesson." His response: "I ain't no teacher." FML

#20629715
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46305) - you deserved it (11693)

On 04/29/2013 at 3:08am - intimacy - by unforgettablee (woman) - United States (California)

today from the balcony of mah apartment , I watched helplessly as a teen cummed along and peed through mah car's open window. FML

#20634162
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43245) - you deserved it (11177)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:44am - kids - by Sean - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was lectured by my mother fir staying out until 2 am because I went to a gig last night. I was told I was irresponsible and made to feel ashamed. Not only do I live on my own and pay my bills, but I'm almost 30. This is a regular occurrence. FML

Today, my nieghbours' whiny emo of a daughter got dumpd by her boyfriend . In her infinite wisdom, she's chosen to cope by playing on her recorder the worst rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" that I've ever heard . It's been going on all day . Now I know why he dumpd this idiot . big fat FML

#20641408
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51055) - you deserved it (8743)

On 05/04/2013 at 5:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)



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