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Wednesday 1 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, it's my wedding day. I have a cold sore that makes me look like The Joker. Make-up won't cover it and the emergency medicine my doctor gave me only irritates it more. My future husband asks, "Why so serious?" and laughs whenever he sees me. Fantastic. FML

#20633099
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39068) - you deserved it (3295)

On 04/30/2013 at 5:26pm - misc - by sharibaby (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was in the doctor's office waiting for my husband to arrive, when a little old lady sat beside me. She seemed nice, until she started farting and blaming it on me. They weren't silent; they sounded like trucker farts and smelled like death. I was there for over an hour. FML

#20647820
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44820) - you deserved it (4065)

On 05/07/2013 at 3:07pm - misc - by babs (woman) - United States

Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML

#20634924
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25785) - you deserved it (51386)

On 05/01/2013 at 2:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a friend and I were walking around a festival when out of nowhere a giant bug hit me in the face. I went into instant ninja mode, screaming and flailing. When I stopped, I realized it was just a leaf and everyone was staring at me. FML

#20636386
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33090) - you deserved it (15441)

On 05/02/2013 at 2:29am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my dog became scared of his own food bowl. He now barks for ages every time he sees it. FML

#20629727
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34664) - you deserved it (2877)

On 04/29/2013 at 3:20am - animals - by conbon123 - United States (Oregon)

Today, I finally started exercising. I'm a rather obese person and I'm super pumped up to finally get off my lazy butt and lose some weight. Locking myself in my room, I first started with a very simple exercise: jumping jacks. I farted each time I jumped. I jumped 10 times. FML

#20640437
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43067) - you deserved it (10544)

On 05/04/2013 at 4:11am - health - by thatonesilentkidinclass (man) - Philippines (Batangas)

Today, my water broke while my boyfriend was breaking up with me. FML

#20649270
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71403) - you deserved it (6344)

On 05/08/2013 at 1:41am - health - by Carrie - United States (California)

Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML

#20634792
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53268) - you deserved it (3418)

On 05/01/2013 at 1:23pm - health - by DemiRawrs - United States

Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML

#20638629
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50279) - you deserved it (6851)

On 05/03/2013 at 8:13am - intimacy - by Who1s269 (man) - United States

Today, I finished a dance competition. With competitions, it requires you to wear a lot of makeup like false eyelashes and red lipstick. I went into a Starbucks to get a coffee and a boy around 18 asked me, in all seriousness, what my rate is for one night. FML

#20642261
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50881) - you deserved it (9920)

On 05/05/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by dancer, not a hooker... - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was reading and started laughing at a funny part in my book. My mom then bitched me out because she thought I was laughing at her. She called me a liar after I explained myself. Her logic? "Books aren't funny". FML

#20647629
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41934) - you deserved it (3351)

On 05/07/2013 at 12:43pm - misc - by Marmarfarfar (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was getting into the mood with my boyfriend. Ten minutes into it, I told him to "teach me a lesson." His response: "I ain't no teacher." FML

#20629715
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42387) - you deserved it (10547)

On 04/29/2013 at 3:08am - intimacy - by unforgettablee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized my favorite pen advertises a vaginal cream. I've been letting people borrow it for months. FML

#20634740
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34137) - you deserved it (7606)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:28pm - misc - by MrConcise (man) - United States



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