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Sunday 28 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML

#20636451
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45075) - you deserved it (6219)

On 05/02/2013 at 4:27am - misc - by inyobeddd (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

#20638599
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48532) - you deserved it (5178)

On 05/03/2013 at 7:32am - health - by poopydaddy - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML

#20638629
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58189) - you deserved it (7970)

On 05/03/2013 at 8:13am - intimacy - by Who1s269 (man) - United States

Today, my dad called me a "deadbeat loser" after I came back from my first day of voluntary rehab for my meth problem. He's never had a job in his life and sits on the sofa all day, smoking weed and playing video games, all on my mom's salary. FML

#20642863
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54741) - you deserved it (7865)

On 05/05/2013 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my grandpa moved into the apartment next door. The walls are wafer-thin. Goodbye sex life. FML

Today, I took my Spanish test, and I felt very confident. I got the test back later, and saw my teacher had written on it: "Congrats on the 94%, but I know you cheated." FML

#20615717
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47479) - you deserved it (6977)

On 04/23/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my son had to help out at the local retirement home for his community service. He got in serious trouble and came whining to me about it after he tried threatening some of the residents into taking part in a Harlem Shake video. FML

#20623837
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40258) - you deserved it (5666)

On 04/26/2013 at 8:21pm - kids - by Shitty genes, no two ways about it. (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I went on a run. Going a decent pace, I passed a woman walking her dog. I joked, "C'mon! Keep up!" Thirty feet later I stepped in mud, rolled my ankle and fell. The woman walked by as I lay in agony, and told me to keep up. FML

#20634623
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20463) - you deserved it (69345)

On 05/01/2013 at 10:27am - misc - by luvs2spooge89 - United States (New York)

Today, the neighbors in the next apartment reported me to the police for screaming at my newborn to "shut the hell up" every time he cries. I would never yell at my baby. My asshole of a dog on the other hand barks at everything, which terrifies the baby, causing him to cry. FML

Today, I tried channeling Mr. Miyagi by catching a fly with my bare hands. It turned out to be a wasp. FML

#20643732
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20185) - you deserved it (45907)

On 05/05/2013 at 7:30pm - misc - by FML136969 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was driving and a cute guy was staring at me. Flattered, I smiled at him, but he didn't even react. I realized he wasn't admiring me he was admiring my truck. This is the 5th time this week. My truck gets more game than I do. FML

#20622946
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45645) - you deserved it (7152)

On 04/26/2013 at 10:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML

#20625530
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52333) - you deserved it (3330)

On 04/27/2013 at 4:23pm - health - by stuckwithafamilyofcunts (woman) - Spain (Comunidad Valenciana)

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his buddies that the main reason he got into video game modding was so he could put a virtual version of me in his games and "shoot the fuck out of that bitch". FML

#20627653
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51217) - you deserved it (6817)

On 04/28/2013 at 1:32pm - love - by gibbette (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)



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