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Sunday 28 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

#20618445
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71569) - you deserved it (8702)

On 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband and I, for a laugh, did our first dance to LMFAO's "I'm sexy and I know it" with stupid moves and everything. 200 guests. Nobody laughed. FML

#20618965
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43640) - you deserved it (24300)

On 04/24/2013 at 6:29pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, while grocery shopping, I was having such terrible abdominal pains I could hardly walk. As I'm 8 months pregnant, I told my husband we should head home. He thought a better idea was to run through the store and hide from me, hoping to induce labor by making me chase him. FML

#20619241
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44019) - you deserved it (3660)

On 04/24/2013 at 8:18pm - misc - by pregz (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML

#20624598
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49299) - you deserved it (3073)

On 04/27/2013 at 4:28am - misc - by whathehell (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML

#20625307
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52299) - you deserved it (3449)

On 04/27/2013 at 2:32pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Lithuania (Kauno Apskritis)

Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML

#20634924
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25782) - you deserved it (51382)

On 05/01/2013 at 2:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a friend and I were walking around a festival when out of nowhere a giant bug hit me in the face. I went into instant ninja mode, screaming and flailing. When I stopped, I realized it was just a leaf and everyone was staring at me. FML

#20636386
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33083) - you deserved it (15439)

On 05/02/2013 at 2:29am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally hooked up with the guy that I have been in love with forever. If there is such a thing as soul mates, this guy is it. He's my best friend in the whole world. It was the worst sex I have ever had. FML

#20620111
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56495) - you deserved it (11095)

On 04/25/2013 at 1:33am - intimacy - by Live Sweet -

Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML

#20627240
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49207) - you deserved it (10900)

On 04/28/2013 at 9:57am - misc - by Anonymous - China (Shanghai)

Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML

#20627981
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31417) - you deserved it (65717)

On 04/28/2013 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Saudi Arabia

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the hot girl he's been sending nudes to and cybering with for the past month is probably a bored, fat-as-fuck, balding male living in his mum's basement. The look on his face after I proved that "her" pictures were fake broke my heart. FML

#20623794
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38397) - you deserved it (7685)

On 04/26/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by sanoria51 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my dog became scared of his own food bowl. He now barks for ages every time he sees it. FML

#20629727
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34654) - you deserved it (2877)

On 04/29/2013 at 3:20am - animals - by conbon123 - United States (Oregon)

Today, I finally started exercising. I'm a rather obese person and I'm super pumped up to finally get off my lazy butt and lose some weight. Locking myself in my room, I first started with a very simple exercise: jumping jacks. I farted each time I jumped. I jumped 10 times. FML

#20640437
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43061) - you deserved it (10543)

On 05/04/2013 at 4:11am - health - by thatonesilentkidinclass (man) - Philippines (Batangas)



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