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Sunday 28 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today I was out with mah grandma when a pair of very shady guys approachd us in the street hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride she pulld a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck gran? FML

#20640901
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50282) - you deserved it (7092)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, mah wife shavd her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. looool She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60607) - you deserved it (9157)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, mum askd me, "Shouldn't u be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replid, "Shouldn't u be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in life. mega FML

#20612550
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32820) - you deserved it (112723)

On 04/22/2013 at 3:19am - misc - by Anon - Singapore

TADAY AT WORK AT A FARM, WE GOT A NEW CALF. IT LOOKD LIKE IT HAD TO POOP, BUT WAS HAVING DIFFICULTY. ABOUT FOUR HOURS LATER IT STILL HADN'T POOPD. TURNS OUT IT WAS BORN WITHOUT AN ACTUAL BUTTHOLE. IT WAS THERE, JUST SEALD UP BY SKIN. I LITERALLY HAD TO CUT THIS POOR CALF A NEW BUTTHOLE. FML

#20617044
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82391) - you deserved it (4296)

On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States

Today, I walked into te living room to find ma 11-year-old daugter about to kiss er "not ma boyfriend" on te lips. Wen I asked wat se tougt se was doing, se peeled a piece of scotc tape off er lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

#20640565
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67479) - you deserved it (9932)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons 4 a party in recognition of our company's huge merger!! Instead, he made condom balloons!! Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms 4 a prestigious company event!! A company whose CEO is named Dick!! looool FML

#20642182
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51273) - you deserved it (4442)

On 05/05/2013 at 12:14am - work - by ADickySituation - United States (Illinois)

Yesterday, I walked in on my looool brother giving his best friend a hand-job. I can't unsee this. FML

Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realizd there was no more toilet paper, so I askd my friend to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML

#20613218
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50417) - you deserved it (8169)

On 04/22/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I caugt ma 14-year-old daugter stealing alcool from me. After berating er 4 alf-an-our I finally said, "At least your not doing drugs." Se gave me a guilty smile an seepisly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

#20640404
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64076) - you deserved it (14082)

On 05/04/2013 at 3:22am - kids - by prostitott -

Today, mah school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor,ho wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in mah sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML

#20618481
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56975) - you deserved it (12763)

On 04/24/2013 at 3:14pm - misc - by Skyler - United States

Today , while I was in the shower , I hered a door slam. Assuming it was mah fiancé , I shouted "I love you!" looool I later opened the bathroom door to see mah stereo and television missing. I'd said "I love you" to whoever robbed mah apartment. mega FML

#20632198
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53086) - you deserved it (5017)

On 04/30/2013 at 3:54am - money - by ShowerGirl (woman) - United States

Today, mah mom asked me what a MILF is . Apparently that's her nickname at work . FML

#20634708
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53342) - you deserved it (4138)

On 05/01/2013 at 11:55am - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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