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Sunday 21 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML

#20598610
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58448) - you deserved it (5680)

On 04/17/2013 at 2:14am - love - by rawdoglyfe69 - United States (Montana)

Today, I got cut from my track team. My coach told me it was because my sprints were "too fast" for his liking. Huh? FML

#20602567
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53919) - you deserved it (3593)

On 04/18/2013 at 4:34pm - misc - by bhnja_ (man) - Philippines (Mandaue)

Today, I found a pound of cooked bacon in the dryer. When I asked my roommate about it, he confessed; his excuse was that he wanted to dry up the grease before eating it. FML

Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML

#20604222
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48294) - you deserved it (21243)

On 04/19/2013 at 2:00am - intimacy - by Wallz99 (man) - Pakistan (Azad Kashmir)

Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML

#20606960
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49193) - you deserved it (7031)

On 04/20/2013 at 6:51am - misc - by MaggotMother (woman) - United States

Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML

#20613283
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47264) - you deserved it (3043)

On 04/22/2013 at 3:10pm - health - by shatMyself - United States

Today, I was walking my dog. A cute guy stopped me and said, "Wow, you are gorgeous!" I said thanks. He looked at me like I was nuts and said, "Not you, your dog." FML

#20621620
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39852) - you deserved it (5374)

On 04/25/2013 at 8:11pm - animals - by emma_waters23 - United States (California)

Today, my parents decided to wake me up on my birthday. They flashed the lights and yanked off my bed sheets. I sleep naked. FML

#20627190
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51497) - you deserved it (10602)

On 04/28/2013 at 9:16am - misc - by Beth - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend said he felt like eating icing. So I baked him cupcakes, put icing on them and decorated them. When I handed them to him, he picked off the decoration, licked the icing and handed the cupcake back to me, saying, "I told you that's all I wanted." FML

#20592650
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24271) - you deserved it (48579)

On 04/15/2013 at 1:11am - misc - by Cupcakes (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML

#20596513
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58278) - you deserved it (4785)

On 04/16/2013 at 2:13pm - love - by fucklife - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I realized how tiny my apartment is, when I was able to vacuum from bedroom to bathroom through the living room without switching the power outlet from the one in the kitchen. I pay a fortune to live in this shoebox. FML

#20608013
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41612) - you deserved it (9398)

On 04/20/2013 at 4:22pm - money - by citylife - United States

Today, nobody wants to hang out with me due to a nasty rumor that my ex has spread. No one will tell me what was said, because I apparently "know full well" what I did. FML

#20624422
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49887) - you deserved it (3578)

On 04/27/2013 at 1:02am - misc - by dabull (man) - United States

Today, it's my 17th birthday. The only person who remembered was the creepy guy in my English class who keeps trying to smell my hair. FML

#20624972
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50273) - you deserved it (3868)

On 04/27/2013 at 11:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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