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Sunday 21 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because "if I really loved her, I would've been more angry." FML

#20596072
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69377) - you deserved it (12203)

On 04/16/2013 at 9:27am - intimacy - by notacaveman (man) - Netherlands

Today, my grandmother tried to upstage me at my wedding by wearing an actual wedding dress because she "never had a real wedding". FML

#20609675
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54295) - you deserved it (3953)

On 04/21/2013 at 8:26am - misc - by gamerguru13 - United States (New York)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

#20618445
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77753) - you deserved it (9361)

On 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while grocery shopping, I was having such terrible abdominal pains I could hardly walk. As I'm 8 months pregnant, I told my husband we should head home. He thought a better idea was to run through the store and hide from me, hoping to induce labor by making me chase him. FML

#20619241
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48293) - you deserved it (4041)

On 04/24/2013 at 8:18pm - misc - by pregz (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I finally hooked up with the guy that I have been in love with forever. If there is such a thing as soul mates, this guy is it. He's my best friend in the whole world. It was the worst sex I have ever had. FML

#20620111
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64285) - you deserved it (13454)

On 04/25/2013 at 1:33am - intimacy - by Live Sweet -

Today, my 25 year old brother dumped all my underwear into the fireplace for interrupting him while he was playing WoW. FML

#20593993
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42528) - you deserved it (11585)

On 04/15/2013 at 4:18pm - misc - by Kutakito (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, while he was eating chicken, one of my friends asked me why I'm a vegetarian. I responded that I believe in animal rights and don't like the conditions the animals are forced to live in. He looked at me incredulously before explaining that "chickens aren't animals, they're birds." FML

Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML

#20625307
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54221) - you deserved it (3584)

On 04/27/2013 at 2:32pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Lithuania (Kauno Apskritis)

Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML

#20627240
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50576) - you deserved it (11250)

On 04/28/2013 at 9:57am - misc - by Anonymous - China (Shanghai)

Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML

#20627981
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33744) - you deserved it (69643)

On 04/28/2013 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Saudi Arabia

Today, I summoned the courage to call my abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't you go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. FML

#20628087
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53500) - you deserved it (6579)

On 04/28/2013 at 4:44pm - money - by a tad whipped (man) - Australia

Today, I got ancestry DNA tests for my parents and myself. The DNA testing company informed me that I'm a 50% match for my mother but I share no DNA with my father. Apparently, both my parents forgot that they used a sperm donor. This insignificant detail has slipped their minds for 35 years. FML

#20600180
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48455) - you deserved it (3065)

On 04/17/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Flora (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was rear ended at McDonald's by the same driver who rear ended me at the same McDonald's last week. FML

#20607123
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55602) - you deserved it (7812)

On 04/20/2013 at 9:43am - misc - by dentedmercedes - United States (Michigan)



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