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Thursday 18 April 2013

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Today, I had a job interview with a man that I got drunk with at a bar on Saturday night. He spent an hour telling me things I did that I don't even remember. FML

by Anonymous / 04/17/2013 at 11:25am / United States / Work

Today, my grandpa moved into the apartment next door. The walls are wafer-thin. Goodbye sex life. FML

Today, for the fifth time since my parents got divorced, my father has decided he doesn't want to pick me up for his weekend because I'm "too responsible to have fun with." FML

by ouch / 04/16/2013 at 12:17pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was small talking with an elderly man, who told me that nobody cares about him. Even though I had only known him for an hour, to try and make him feel a little better I told him I care about him. He then called me a creep, stomped his cane onto my foot, and walked off. FML

by 'creep' / 04/22/2013 at 1:01am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML

by Anonymous / 04/19/2013 at 2:28pm / United States / Love

Today, I found out I was an alcoholic. Not from my friends or family, but because the ice-maker couldn't keep up with the amount of drinks I've been making. FML

by KyngJulian / 04/22/2013 at 10:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He wants us to stay friends, though, so he can continue to use my coffee maker. FML

by Anonymous / 04/15/2013 at 12:02pm / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Love

Today, my crew was called out to do some house maintenance. We were nearly done, when someone had the goddamned fucking brilliant idea of washing plaster off their hands in the kitchen sink, which clogged the pipes. Instead of getting paid, we now owe for damages. FML

by Anonymous / 04/20/2013 at 10:26am / United States / Work

Today, I realized how tiny my apartment is, when I was able to vacuum from bedroom to bathroom through the living room without switching the power outlet from the one in the kitchen. I pay a fortune to live in this shoebox. FML

by citylife / 04/20/2013 at 4:22pm / United States / Money

Today, it wasn't until I heard something fly off the roof of my car and hit the trunk, then asphalt, that I remembered where I left my phone while unlocking the car door. FML

by Anonymous / 04/17/2013 at 1:51am / Money

Today, I just remembered that I changed my Gmail display name to "Rice Ball" out of privacy-paranoia a while back. I've been using this same email to apply to several professional jobs. FML

by geeshock1987 / 04/15/2013 at 1:58am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a library to return a book that I've had for years. After a heated discussion with the librarian, not only did she charge me over a hundred dollars for the book, she also called the cops to escort me out. FML

by LoLWut?? nd Why?? / 04/16/2013 at 12:01am / United States / Money

Today, my husband rejected sleeping with me because he wants to "save his energy" for building his custom car. Apparently, I'm a "distraction." FML

by Anonymous / 04/23/2013 at 9:38am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love