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Thursday 18 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my grandpa moved into the apartment next door. The walls are wafer-thin. Goodbye sex life. FML

Today, I went on my first date. Everything went great until I went to brush my date's hair over her ear like they do in the movies. I poked her dead in the eye. FML

#20606348
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43106) - you deserved it (14747)

On 04/19/2013 at 10:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my ex-boyfriend, with whom I'm still madly in love, called me and begged me to come back to him. In shock, I asked, "Is this some kind of joke?" He giggled, said yes, and then promptly hung up. FML

#20595377
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57497) - you deserved it (6489)

On 04/15/2013 at 10:20pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I gave my wife a birthday present. For months she'd been talking about an expensive treadmill that she wanted, so I bought it. Her reaction when she saw it was to yell, "YOU THINK I'M FAT!" and burst into tears. FML

#20597356
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46821) - you deserved it (8895)

On 04/16/2013 at 7:23pm - misc - by S. Fancyson - United States

Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML

#20598610
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58376) - you deserved it (5673)

On 04/17/2013 at 2:14am - love - by rawdoglyfe69 - United States (Montana)

Today, I got cut from my track team. My coach told me it was because my sprints were "too fast" for his liking. Huh? FML

#20602567
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52545) - you deserved it (3492)

On 04/18/2013 at 4:34pm - misc - by bhnja_ (man) - Philippines (Mandaue)

Today, I found a pound of cooked bacon in the dryer. When I asked my roommate about it, he confessed; his excuse was that he wanted to dry up the grease before eating it. FML

Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML

#20606960
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49144) - you deserved it (7028)

On 04/20/2013 at 6:51am - misc - by MaggotMother (woman) - United States

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that taking triple the maximum dosage of painkillers won't actually triple its effects. She rolled her eyes, called me clueless, and said that I should "leave this stuff to the professionals." She's studying to become a doctor. FML

#20610275
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41506) - you deserved it (5842)

On 04/21/2013 at 1:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Kuwait (Al Kuwayt)

Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML

#20613283
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47211) - you deserved it (3041)

On 04/22/2013 at 3:10pm - health - by shatMyself - United States

Today, I was walking my dog. A cute guy stopped me and said, "Wow, you are gorgeous!" I said thanks. He looked at me like I was nuts and said, "Not you, your dog." FML

#20621620
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39820) - you deserved it (5366)

On 04/25/2013 at 8:11pm - animals - by emma_waters23 - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend said he felt like eating icing. So I baked him cupcakes, put icing on them and decorated them. When I handed them to him, he picked off the decoration, licked the icing and handed the cupcake back to me, saying, "I told you that's all I wanted." FML

#20592650
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24234) - you deserved it (48536)

On 04/15/2013 at 1:11am - misc - by Cupcakes (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML

#20596513
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58219) - you deserved it (4781)

On 04/16/2013 at 2:13pm - love - by fucklife - United States (District of Columbia)



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