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Thursday 18 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got ancestry DNA tests for my parents and myself. The DNA testing company informed me that I'm a 50% match for my mother but I share no DNA with my father. Apparently, both my parents forgot that they used a sperm donor. This insignificant detail has slipped their minds for 35 years. FML

#20600180
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43087) - you deserved it (2639)

On 04/17/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Flora (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was rear ended at McDonald's by the same driver who rear ended me at the same McDonald's last week. FML

#20607123
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52782) - you deserved it (7515)

On 04/20/2013 at 9:43am - misc - by dentedmercedes - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was mugged by a street preacher. The same one who'd earlier in the day screamed at me for being an evil sinner. FML

#20611067
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42076) - you deserved it (3327)

On 04/21/2013 at 6:27pm - money - by wallet? GONE (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I took my Spanish test, and I felt very confident. I got the test back later, and saw my teacher had written on it: "Congrats on the 94%, but I know you cheated." FML

#20615717
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45412) - you deserved it (6779)

On 04/23/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my grandmom's house for an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets and about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg and couldn't get it off because it "hurts too much." I'm 24 and he's 26. FML

#20616232
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35196) - you deserved it (4867)

On 04/23/2013 at 5:07pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I told the guy I've liked since we were children that I'm madly in love with him. He replied with, "Aw, I love you too, as a sister." I was speechless. He patted me on the back and said, "Better luck next time." FML

#20603007
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49867) - you deserved it (5801)

On 04/18/2013 at 7:08pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was feeling really sick at work. I messaged my boss whether his girlfriend, who also works there, could cover me. He then came down, shouting at me that whatever illness I have, I've also passed on to his girlfriend. I'm pregnant. FML

#20612786
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44368) - you deserved it (3192)

On 04/22/2013 at 9:22am - work - by work -_- - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my grandpa moved into the apartment next door. The walls are wafer-thin. Goodbye sex life. FML

Today, I was excited for my first date in a while, with a "tall handsome business man." Turns out he "doesn't feel emotions anymore", likes getting peed on, and "doesn't do condoms." Thanks, internet dating. FML

#20620574
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51195) - you deserved it (13706)

On 04/25/2013 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I left my son with my husband while I went to the store. Ten minutes later, my dog was missing a large patch of fur, and neither of them can stop laughing. FML

#20599149
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37532) - you deserved it (7328)

On 04/17/2013 at 11:14am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I grabbed a pair of pants from the dryer in a hurry, trying to make it to the bank. When I rushed in, I felt something fall down my leg. It was a pair of my mom's granny panties that had been stuck inside my jeans. I kicked them aside, hoping no one would notice. They did. FML

#20599573
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40695) - you deserved it (8739)

On 04/17/2013 at 3:01pm - misc - by pantydropper (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's a lesbian. And that she could only stay with me because I had a "girly face and voice". She also admitted to having a crush on my sister. FML

#20600192
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53670) - you deserved it (4549)

On 04/17/2013 at 7:01pm - love - by wut... (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I put up one of those hanging fly catchers in my room due to the unsettling amount of flies in the house. I remarked how stupid flies were to land on them. Within an hour, I got up and walked straight into it. FML

#20609406
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21931) - you deserved it (41147)

On 04/21/2013 at 2:20am - misc - by Human fly - Canada (British Columbia)



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