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Tuesday 9 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got called an "evil Nazi bitch" because I let a customer know that this is the last day our store will have free plastic bags. FML

#20581805
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34155) - you deserved it (3218)

On 04/09/2013 at 4:18am - work - by steppppphhhhhh - United States (California)

Today, my doctor asked me how often I drink, and I responded, "Socially." My three-year-old piped up, "No Mom, you drink all the time." My doctor now thinks I'm a raging alcoholic. My kid has never seen me drink. FML

Today, it transpired that my mom has been spending her stint in prison trying to play matchmaker for me, going so far as to call one of her finds, "good breeding stock". Apparently, I don't already have enough criminals in my life; last September I was the only member of my family of 5 not locked up. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML

#20597351
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49887) - you deserved it (7756)

On 04/16/2013 at 7:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was riding a new horse when a lawnmower starting up spooked her. She jumped straight up in the air and I landed directly on the saddle horn. I can't walk or feel anything between my legs. FML

#20583228
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39851) - you deserved it (3966)

On 04/10/2013 at 5:06am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

#20580770
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14655) - you deserved it (36252)

On 04/08/2013 at 3:20pm - misc - by nosey (woman) - United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff)

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend, when she reached over and twisted my nipples to the point of tears. I'm still not sure what in the name of Dawkins I did to deserve that. FML

#20586964
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36099) - you deserved it (13560)

On 04/12/2013 at 7:57pm - misc - by SoreNips (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I baked my friend a cake for his 21st birthday. When I arrived at his house, his girlfriend, who hadn't made him anything, screamed at me for "making her look bad." She then took the cake, banned me from the party, and kicked me out. FML

Today, I offered to pay my boyfriend to buy me flowers. He still refused. FML

#20584487
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42064) - you deserved it (15612)

On 04/11/2013 at 12:53am - love - by flowerging (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the park unsuccessfully trying to take a selfie. A stranger walked up to me and offered to take the picture for me. I agreed and gave him my phone. He took it and ran off. FML

#20595412
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30462) - you deserved it (56571)

On 04/16/2013 at 12:08am - misc - by no selfie for me - United States (California)

Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML

#20585168
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42769) - you deserved it (8119)

On 04/11/2013 at 3:38pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Shropshire)

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the nasty rash on my arms. He concluded that I'm allergic to beer and the rash will go away if I stay away from it. I'm a bartender. FML

#20592891
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51813) - you deserved it (3884)

On 04/15/2013 at 3:31am - work - by BarBacked (woman) - United States

Today, I was out when a guy walking with his girlfriend eyed me up. I made a shocked face at him and kept walking. The next thing I knew, his girlfriend was beating the shit out of me claiming that I was "the other woman." I'd never seen the guy before in my life. FML

#20581007
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42602) - you deserved it (4533)

On 04/08/2013 at 6:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames)



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