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Tuesday 9 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was dying my hair a subtly different color. It was only supposed to turn my hair a shade or two lighter, but it seems someone at the store thought it would be funny to switch the dye in the boxes around. My hair is purple. FML

Today, it transpired that my mom has been spending her stint in prison trying to play matchmaker for me, going so far as to call one of her finds, "good breeding stock". Apparently, I don't already have enough criminals in my life; last September I was the only member of my family of 5 not locked up. FML

Today, working in customer support, I received a call from a woman who'd just been robbed. My supervisor asked what was taking so long; I told him that she was hysterical. He took my phone and told her to call back when she had her "shit together", then hung up. I take orders from this man. FML

#20595880
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40144) - you deserved it (3586)

On 04/16/2013 at 6:50am - work - by no compassion - United States (Colorado)

Today, my friends and I were exchanging stories with one another. I barely got a few sentences in before they started mocking and viciously insulting me for saying "swaggered", claiming it comes from the slang term "swag", and that they never thought I was a "dumbass hipster". Really now? FML

#20582400
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32969) - you deserved it (6833)

On 04/09/2013 at 5:04pm - misc - by nice education you've got there (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my English teacher used the word "interpretate" again. This isn't the only mistake she's made though; I've been so frustrated that I've started a list of them. It's over a page long. I'm meant to be learning things from this woman. FML

#20582580
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32010) - you deserved it (3680)

On 04/09/2013 at 7:09pm - work - by Annoyed Student - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, I started my new job as a mail carrier. One of my assigned roads was Milbrooke Street, which I'd never heard of. After driving around for ages trying to find it, I called for directions. The street doesn't exist in my city; it's just the boss' way of seeing how stupid you are. FML

#20584939
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32958) - you deserved it (7715)

On 04/11/2013 at 12:18pm - work - by Directionally challenged - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend, when she reached over and twisted my nipples to the point of tears. I'm still not sure what in the name of Dawkins I did to deserve that. FML

#20586964
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33618) - you deserved it (13079)

On 04/12/2013 at 7:57pm - misc - by SoreNips (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, at school, I saw the guy I like at his locker. I decided to run up from behind and surprise him. I ended up accidentally slamming his locker on his fingers. FML

#20587958
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39069) - you deserved it (40274)

On 04/13/2013 at 11:52am - love - by saxophone911 - United States

Today, I got the chance to speak to some of the top academics in my field. I was so hungover that I couldn't remember the title of the Masters degree I've spent two years studying for, let alone make intelligent comments. I'm pretty sure the only thing I got right was my name. FML

#20588088
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13449) - you deserved it (99889)

On 04/13/2013 at 1:26pm - misc - by could be an fml commenter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML

#20585643
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37878) - you deserved it (9159)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:59pm - animals - by anyonmus - United States (Maryland)

Today, for the first time, I told my girlfriend of two months that I love her. She broke down in laughter and mockingly asked, "What are you, some kind of queer?" I could've sworn she was mentally older than a 5-year-old when I asked her out. I guess not. FML

#20586776
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41757) - you deserved it (11321)

On 04/12/2013 at 5:35pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He wants us to stay friends, though, so he can continue to use my coffee maker. FML

#20593450
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43568) - you deserved it (4321)

On 04/15/2013 at 12:02pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, while trying to find my phone in the depths of the sheets on my bed, I gave my comforter a huge shake. A second later, I heard a crash. My phone had miraculously flown straight into the glass of water on my nightstand. Found it. FML

#20593500
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39371) - you deserved it (8253)

On 04/15/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by Reno - United States (Nevada)



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