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Tuesday 9 April 2013

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Today, my boyfriend said he felt like eating icing. So I baked him cupcakes, put icing on them and decorated them. When I handed them to him, he picked off the decoration, licked the icing and handed the cupcake back to me, saying, "I told you that's all I wanted." FML

by Cupcakes / 04/15/2013 at 1:11am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 25 year old brother dumped all my underwear into the fireplace for interrupting him while he was playing WoW. FML

by Kutakito / 04/15/2013 at 4:18pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a job interview. Everything was going well until I noticed a picture of a dog hanging on the wall, which reminded me of the ending of Marley and Me. I started crying and had to be escorted out. FML

by crybaby / 04/12/2013 at 1:58am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML

by no tea parties here, gran / 04/11/2013 at 1:16pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I noticed a stray string on a seam of my pants. I started absentmindedly pulling at it thinking maybe I could pull it off. Five minutes later, I realized it looked like I was fiddling with my crotch in the middle of Starbucks. FML

by WearingSomethingStringy / 04/09/2013 at 8:02pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband and I announced our upcoming divorce. My friends told me how sorry they were and that they're available for whatever I need. His friends told him to just call the girl from last weekend and get himself laid again. FML

by a / 04/10/2013 at 3:09pm / United States / Love

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML

by fucklife / 04/16/2013 at 2:13pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Love

Today, I gave my wife a birthday present. For months she'd been talking about an expensive treadmill that she wanted, so I bought it. Her reaction when she saw it was to yell, "YOU THINK I'M FAT!" and burst into tears. FML

by S. Fancyson / 04/16/2013 at 7:23pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML

by anyonmus / 04/11/2013 at 8:59pm / United States (Maryland) / Animals

Today, I was taking a walk, when an elderly lady in a motorized wheelchair slammed into me from behind. There was plenty of room to pass by, but noooo, trying to run me down like a dog, then giving me the finger and yelling "Watch where you're walking!" is so damn preferable. FML

by danman / 04/14/2013 at 6:20pm / United States / Health

Today, my English teacher used the word "interpretate" again. This isn't the only mistake she's made though; I've been so frustrated that I've started a list of them. It's over a page long. I'm meant to be learning things from this woman. FML

by Annoyed Student / 04/09/2013 at 7:09pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Work

Today, when I was talking to my younger brother, he suddenly said "Oh, I was supposed to tell you that there's this girl who has a huge crush on you!" I asked who and he answered, "I totally forgot her name, that was like 2 months ago." FML

by MissedTheBoat / 04/14/2013 at 3:28am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, working in customer support, I received a call from a woman who'd just been robbed. My supervisor asked what was taking so long; I told him that she was hysterical. He took my phone and told her to call back when she had her "shit together", then hung up. I take orders from this man. FML

by no compassion / 04/16/2013 at 6:50am / United States (Colorado) / Work