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Tuesday 9 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML

#20593773
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68668) - you deserved it (6134)

On 04/15/2013 at 2:36pm - love - by wow (woman) - Russian Federation (Saint Petersburg City)

Today, I had to get my grandparents out of jail, because they were caught having sex in a public place. They excused their actions by saying that you can only be young and stupid once, so if you continue doing stupid actions, you are still young. FML

Today, my halitosis was so bad that when I blew onto my solution in chemistry class, it reacted. FML

#20582010
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29246) - you deserved it (9531) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/09/2013 at 6:29am - health - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house. After asking him what was wrong due to his weird attitude, he responded with, "This isn't working; I'm in love with my sister." FML

#20592364
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64791) - you deserved it (3933)

On 04/14/2013 at 11:45pm - love - by lonely (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

#20586362
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59611) - you deserved it (10724)

On 04/12/2013 at 11:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch my penis. FML

#20596452
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68448) - you deserved it (17843)

On 04/16/2013 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Gurior - Canada

Today, I told my dad I'm pregnant. His response? "It's only a phase, you'll get over it." FML

#20592767
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52937) - you deserved it (10197)

On 04/15/2013 at 2:04am - intimacy - by twinArmageddon2 - United States (California)

Today, while at a hospital, a prayer group circled me and started praying that God and the good doctors and nurses would heal me from the disease that disfigured my face. I was there to visit my sick grandmother. FML

#20580194
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46591) - you deserved it (3205)

On 04/08/2013 at 2:12am - health - by chinatownhobo (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I was about to break up with my psycho girlfriend. As I sat her down, she told me she wanted to show me something. She then took off her shirt to reveal my name tattooed across her chest. FML

#20595753
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67278) - you deserved it (7154)

On 04/16/2013 at 3:23am - love - by guess I'm stuck - United States (California)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is". Orgasm gone. FML

#20583515
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49287) - you deserved it (7989)

On 04/10/2013 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by iwassoclose - United States

Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML

#20584680
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43924) - you deserved it (8324)

On 04/11/2013 at 5:11am - misc - by zahra_786 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from work to find my son and his friends attempting to find out how many of them could fit into one of my pairs of pants. So far, five. FML

#20583359
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40137) - you deserved it (19289)

On 04/10/2013 at 9:26am - kids - by fatmom (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my Romeo and Juliet style relationship hit an all time low when my boyfriend's parents filed a lawsuit against my parents. FML

#20585611
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44473) - you deserved it (6020)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:40pm - love - by Juliet (woman) - United States (California)



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