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Saturday 6 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend, when she reached over and twisted my nipples to the point of tears. I'm still not sure what in the name of Dawkins I did to deserve that. FML

#20586964
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33592) - you deserved it (13077)

On 04/12/2013 at 7:57pm - misc - by SoreNips (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, at school, I saw the guy I like at his locker. I decided to run up from behind and surprise him. I ended up accidentally slamming his locker on his fingers. FML

#20587958
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39051) - you deserved it (40244)

On 04/13/2013 at 11:52am - love - by saxophone911 - United States

Today, I took multiple pictures of my blanket and pillow pet, trying to get the "perfect pose" so I could post it on Facebook with a cheesy joke. I'm 30. FML

#20578784
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14532) - you deserved it (39441)

On 04/07/2013 at 8:07am - misc - by kimhinesvoinea - United States

Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML

#20585643
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37843) - you deserved it (9155)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:59pm - animals - by anyonmus - United States (Maryland)

Today, for the first time, I told my girlfriend of two months that I love her. She broke down in laughter and mockingly asked, "What are you, some kind of queer?" I could've sworn she was mentally older than a 5-year-old when I asked her out. I guess not. FML

#20586776
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41419) - you deserved it (11240)

On 04/12/2013 at 5:35pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I got the chance to speak to some of the top academics in my field. I was so hungover that I couldn't remember the title of the Masters degree I've spent two years studying for, let alone make intelligent comments. I'm pretty sure the only thing I got right was my name. FML

#20588088
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13437) - you deserved it (99828)

On 04/13/2013 at 1:26pm - misc - by could be an fml commenter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my Jewish boyfriend came over for my extended family's Easter party. My grandmother made fun of him for being Jewish so badly, that he left, crying. She doesn't see what she did wrong. FML

#20569420
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36674) - you deserved it (4098)

On 04/01/2013 at 1:23am - misc - by aabadaba (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was proposed to, under the condition that I "get thin" first. FML

#20578323
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47191) - you deserved it (9163)

On 04/06/2013 at 11:19pm - love - by ziggers10 - United States

Today, I realized that my Twitter profile was very public when my business professor made fun of student tweets in class. My tweet went, "Totally bullshitting this business report" about the report I had just handed in, worth a large portion of my grade. FML

#20584642
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13242) - you deserved it (79430)

On 04/11/2013 at 3:49am - work - by imscrewed - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up to my husband taking a piss on our bedroom floor. I screamed that he wasn't in the bathroom, to which he responded, "Shut up! I'm taking a piss, let me finish!" He has no recollection of the event. Now I have to clean up his piss and rewash my clothes. FML

Today, I was approached by a What Not to Wear kind of show, where you get money to buy a new wardrobe. I was so excited that I fainted. They revoked the offer, reasoning that someone who faints so easily would be too much of a liability risk. FML

#20573162
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34076) - you deserved it (9902)

On 04/03/2013 at 12:57pm - misc - by SoClose (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I carried flat-packed boxes home from work to move my things into a new apartment. Whilst walking down the street, the wind kept blowing and spinning me round. A crowd eventually gathered, mistaking me for a street performer. Nobody helped or even threw me any loose change. FML

#20575849
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28403) - you deserved it (3317)

On 04/05/2013 at 7:04am - misc - by Gem - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, my dad had a little too much to drink. When he's that drunk, he likes to pepper me with a lot of random questions. He asked if I've ever tried hard drugs, and if I want to die. I answered no to both of the questions, and he demanded to know why not. FML

#20577504
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30013) - you deserved it (2601)

On 04/06/2013 at 1:06pm - misc - by yeah why not (woman) - Norway



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