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Saturday 6 April 2013

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Today, I was watching a movie with my parents when a sex scene came on. As if that wasn't awkward enough, they started making out on the couch behind me. FML

by ohgodwhy / 04/06/2013 at 10:15am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my social teacher thought it would be a great idea to have a casual debate about Margaret Thatcher and her legacy. Within 10 minutes, the entire class was yelling, screaming, throwing stuff at each other. I got hit in the face with a binder. FML

by great idea / 04/10/2013 at 8:40pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, while shopping for a birthday present for my size 0 friend, I picked out a pair of pants for her. When paying, the cashier looked me up and down and said, "Well, you're pretty optimistic aren't you?" FML

by NotASize0 / 04/04/2013 at 11:12am / Denmark / Miscellaneous

Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML

by Me / 04/10/2013 at 8:45pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my Romeo and Juliet style relationship hit an all time low when my boyfriend's parents filed a lawsuit against my parents. FML

by Juliet / 04/11/2013 at 8:40pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I finally had the best sex I've ever had with this really hot guy I've been hanging out with lately. I thought everything was all well and good until he turned to me and said, "You know, your orgasm face kinda reminds me of Steve Martin, but in a good way." FML

by LadySteveMartin / 04/01/2013 at 8:18pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy

Today, a couple stopped me on the beach to take a picture of them kissing in front of the sunset. I agreed feeling generous, until they continued making out after the picture was taken, leaving me standing there awkwardly with their camera. FML

by unknown / 04/07/2013 at 12:26am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my halitosis was so bad that when I blew onto my solution in chemistry class, it reacted. FML

by Anonymous / 04/09/2013 at 6:29am / Health

Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML

by Anonymous / 04/12/2013 at 5:24am / Australia / Love

Today, trying to be friendly, I said good morning to the creepy guy at work. He responded by wordlessly hugging me. I was touched, until I realized he was trying to unhook my bra. FML

by Anonymous / 04/13/2013 at 9:14pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, the power was out. I tried to explain to my boyfriend that he wouldn't be able to watch any TV until the power came back on. His response was, "But we have Netflix." FML

by Zxz / 04/08/2013 at 5:51pm / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I forgot to log out of my Facebook account before leaving for work. When I got back home, I discovered that my brother had gone through and commented "quack" on all my friend's duckfacing photos. She was not pleased. FML

by reallythough / 04/13/2013 at 2:07pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML

by what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god / 04/05/2013 at 2:51pm / Singapore / Health