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Saturday 6 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

#20587443
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60975) - you deserved it (20316)

On 04/13/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by ironies a b*tch - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML

#20584918
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50845) - you deserved it (10901)

On 04/11/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

#20582197
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50073) - you deserved it (5123)

On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML

#20577178
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52827) - you deserved it (5810)

On 04/06/2013 at 7:42am - misc - by confusedcatlover (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my older brother walked in on me while I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother. FML

#20572069
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24263) - you deserved it (69096)

On 04/02/2013 at 6:52pm - misc - by SayCheese - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML

#20583013
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52844) - you deserved it (11939)

On 04/10/2013 at 12:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML

#20585229
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59336) - you deserved it (16531)

On 04/11/2013 at 4:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

#20586362
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62799) - you deserved it (11250)

On 04/12/2013 at 11:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML

#20579781
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15871) - you deserved it (61013)

On 04/07/2013 at 8:30pm - health - by maturity - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML

#20574621
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54554) - you deserved it (18381)

On 04/04/2013 at 12:04pm - intimacy - by Ribbed for Her Disaster (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I shaved my pubic area for my fiancé. He told me it looked "like Frodo tried to hack off Gandalf's beard with Gimli's ax." FML

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

#20577693
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54180) - you deserved it (12393)

On 04/06/2013 at 3:13pm - intimacy - by dating walter white's gf apparently (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is". Orgasm gone. FML

#20583515
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52727) - you deserved it (8414)

On 04/10/2013 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by iwassoclose - United States



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