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Thursday 4 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was out when a guy walking with his girlfriend eyed me up. I made a shocked face at him and kept walking. The next thing I knew, his girlfriend was beating the shit out of me claiming that I was "the other woman." I'd never seen the guy before in my life. FML

#20581007
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40654) - you deserved it (4347)

On 04/08/2013 at 6:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames)

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend once again that the dry skin she picks off her feet belong in the trash, not on our coffee table. FML

#20582191
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37311) - you deserved it (4127)

On 04/09/2013 at 1:58pm - misc - by FootFlakes (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was riding a new horse when a lawnmower starting up spooked her. She jumped straight up in the air and I landed directly on the saddle horn. I can't walk or feel anything between my legs. FML

#20583228
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37982) - you deserved it (3792)

On 04/10/2013 at 5:06am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I announced our upcoming divorce. My friends told me how sorry they were and that they're available for whatever I need. His friends told him to just call the girl from last weekend and get himself laid again. FML

#20583666
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48841) - you deserved it (6500)

On 04/10/2013 at 3:09pm - love - by a - United States

Today, I was chatting online with a guy I really like, when he used the word "irregardless." I couldn't help but mention how little sense it makes, since it's a combination of two words meaning roughly the same thing. He replied, "lol what? your stupid." Jesus Christ. FML

#20576546
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32679) - you deserved it (9235)

On 04/05/2013 at 7:21pm - love - by pot, meet kettle (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mom started fundraising and selling things on ebay. At first I was happy because I thought she was finally going to help me pay my college tuition. Turns out she's planning on raising money to get our dog a new friend because she's "lonely". FML

#20583166
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33650) - you deserved it (4742)

On 04/10/2013 at 2:54am - money - by Witos (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went to get my car fixed. There was a vending machine in the waiting room, and I was hungry. The snacks were overpriced, but I still had a little money left over. I noticed a bag of Cheetos hanging loose, so I paid for them, hoping to get two bags. They both got stuck. FML

#20576079
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35529) - you deserved it (9129)

On 04/05/2013 at 12:34pm - money - by Z'ev - United States (New York)

Today, I interviewed three elderly residents at a nursing home, hoping to use the transcript for a very important paper due next week. It went great, so I wrapped up and drove home. I sat down to start typing, and realized that my recording had stopped ten minutes in. FML

#20577861
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31359) - you deserved it (5407)

On 04/06/2013 at 5:39pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

#20570299
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18902) - you deserved it (42081)

On 04/01/2013 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by Marco (man) - United States

Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML

#20571483
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32551) - you deserved it (3901)

On 04/02/2013 at 11:04am - health - by moosemay (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, my husband told me to look for a honeymoon resort, since we had to cancel it last year. I looked everything up and got all excited. Just when I asked him for payment information, he said "April Fools!" April Fools was two days ago. FML

#20573157
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37243) - you deserved it (3169)

On 04/03/2013 at 12:50pm - love - by letdown13 - United States (New York)

Today, my washing machine broke down, within its warranty. I asked my neighbour if she could open the door for the mechanic while I was at work; she agreed. When I came home, I had a bill for 80 bucks for not opening the door. Her reason? She was busy watching her favorite TV show. FML

#20573502
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33970) - you deserved it (4791)

On 04/03/2013 at 5:40pm - money - by Jack -

Today, my girlfriend said that while she was playing volleyball, her whole life flashed before her eyes. According to her grandmother, my girlfriend is now psychic. She completely believes it. FML

#20574330
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29999) - you deserved it (3116)

On 04/04/2013 at 4:20am - misc - by CrazyBitch - United States (California)



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