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Thursday 28 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had to clean up the urine puddle left by one of the regulars who plays the poker slot machines at the bar where I work. Rather than reserve the machine to go to the bathroom, she literally sits in her own piss to mark her territory. This happens about every second day. FML

Today, in my job as an assistant at a music venue, I had to get posters signed by that night's performer. When I walked into the dressing room, I was told, "unless you're sucking my cock then get the fuck out of here" and had the posters slapped out of my hands. It's my job to deal with these pricks. FML

#20572312
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34647) - you deserved it (3096)

On 04/02/2013 at 9:26pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I seemingly decided not to remove my foot from the pedal-clip of my bicycle until I had properly introduced myself to the cement. FML

#20572944
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24760) - you deserved it (5953)

On 04/03/2013 at 8:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML

#20573161
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32687) - you deserved it (14112)

On 04/03/2013 at 12:57pm - misc - by nottoosmall - United States

Today, I was at the pool when I saw a man eating the food I had ordered near my seat. I immediately ran up to him and asked him to stop stealing my food. I took the food away and threw it in the trash. Seconds later the attendant came out with my actual food. FML

#20562925
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9185) - you deserved it (66790)

On 03/27/2013 at 9:02pm - misc - by Hahamaster333 -

Today, I texted a girl I met at the bar last night. She accused me of being "fake" because she couldn't find me on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, then threatened to call the cops on me. FML

#20566421
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34593) - you deserved it (3012)

On 03/30/2013 at 1:23am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to visit my family for spring break, only to realize that I'd left my phone in my apartment. After a 2 hour drive back, I discovered my boyfriend with my neighbor. He panicked and pretended to be sleepwalking. FML

#20567746
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49778) - you deserved it (3575)

On 03/31/2013 at 12:34am - intimacy - by Maybe I'll stay longer than spring break. - United States (Virginia)

Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. We got on the subject of theatre, and his dad brought up "The Book of Mormon", how finally someone was making fun of those "nasty, polygamist, cultist freaks", and if his son ever dated one, he would disown him. I'm Mormon. FML

#20572732
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39192) - you deserved it (13462)

On 04/03/2013 at 1:48am - love - by kenabrookee - United States (California)

Today, my sister gave my laptop away and dumped a pile of her hamster's turds on my bed. All of this because I flushed the toilet while she was in the shower last night. FML

#20573279
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39452) - you deserved it (6077)

On 04/03/2013 at 2:45pm - misc - by poop (man) -

Today, I had my first game ever as an ice hockey goalie. Our team didn't have a goalie helmet, so they gave me a regular one which didn't cover me completely. I was worried about it and told my coach, but he said I would be fine. I then took a puck to the throat that sent me to hospital. FML

#20574528
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40102) - you deserved it (4420)

On 04/04/2013 at 10:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, after getting a new haircut, I decided to take a few photos. I set up my iPhone in my room and began posing. It wasn't until numerous shots later that I realized my phone had posted every picture to Facebook, and they were all over everyone's newsfeed. FML

#20561054
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16148) - you deserved it (41071)

On 03/26/2013 at 2:31pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the bank to find out why they've taken $200 from me. By the time I show them my bank card, ID and tell them my problem, they accuse me of stealing my own identity, and refuse to give me my money back. FML

#20561553
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32603) - you deserved it (2098)

On 03/26/2013 at 9:37pm - money - by arsenicalhumor (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML

#20569989
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36040) - you deserved it (3741)

On 04/01/2013 at 1:17pm - love - by tkrause - Canada (British Columbia)



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