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Wednesday 20 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a few months after my co-worker had stopped wearing her engagement ring, I decided to put on the moves and start flirting with her. I soon found out that her fiancé had died, and that she's nowhere near over him, despite her brave face. I feel like a total asshole. FML

#20558292
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44892) - you deserved it (23162)

On 03/24/2013 at 5:33pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that what my husband meant by "we should try swinging" is "I really want to have sex with this one friend of yours, and if you so much as make eye contact with any guy I'm going to totally flip out and threaten to kill him and you." FML

#20560730
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49088) - you deserved it (6496)

On 03/26/2013 at 8:07am - intimacy - by SwinginSolo (woman) - United States

Today, my superstitious girlfriend of 4 years sneezed in the middle of my proposal. She claimed it was a sign from the universe for us to break up and then immediately left. FML

#20550300
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43387) - you deserved it (3284)

On 03/19/2013 at 12:40am - love - by lanz4949 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I started singing and harmonizing with the vacuum cleaner. FML

#20551821
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24589) - you deserved it (4172)

On 03/20/2013 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML

#20555435
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36688) - you deserved it (17701)

On 03/22/2013 at 7:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I spent three hours painstakingly installing and configuring some parental control software on my 11-year-old son's laptop after I caught him watching porn. Barely an hour after returning the laptop, I caught him watching yet more porn on it. FML

#20557646
316 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31231) - you deserved it (12736)

On 03/24/2013 at 6:30am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I told my husband that a guy I work with told me that I'm the most beautiful woman he has ever met. My husband replied, "He needs to get out more." FML

Today, I went out to Applebees with a girl I like and a group of friends. Someone asked if the girl and I were dating. She instantly replied with a bit of disgust "What? No way, never!" It would have been nice to know before paying for the last ten or so dates we went on. FML

Today, my friend asked to borrow my new laptop to email his college professor. When he returned it, it had a virus on it, and I had to fish out two pubic hairs that were sticking out between the keys. FML

#20559514
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37928) - you deserved it (6988)

On 03/25/2013 at 2:25pm - misc - by grossed out - United Kingdom (Peterborough)

Today, my department found out that we're getting a new supervisor for the third time this month. I joked about how we're like "the foster kid nobody wants." One of my coworkers burst into tears and ran off. I later found out that she had been a foster child and never once had a stable home. FML

#20550513
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33066) - you deserved it (26793)

On 03/19/2013 at 5:59am - work - by Luke - United States (New York)

Today, as I was walking with my boyfriend, holding hands, a woman began screaming at us about how we "f*ggots" are "ruining America." I'm a girl. FML

#20551759
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36922) - you deserved it (4035)

On 03/20/2013 at 12:54am - love - by Too manly (woman) - United States (California)

Today, we had to re-live sex ed in my college biology class. Unlike in middle school, nobody giggled incessantly. However, the guy sitting next to me stared at me intensely for nearly the whole three hour lecture. FML

#20552364
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34351) - you deserved it (3082)

On 03/20/2013 at 3:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my guinea pig was resting on my shoulder. However, I forgot to tie my hair up and she gnawed off a clump of it that was a good 6 inches long. I had to fight her to get it out of her mouth. FML



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