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Wednesday 13 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's will. I didn't expect to receive anything, since his side of the family had always ostracized me for being born out of wedlock. I did get something: $3,500, on the binding condition that I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy. FML

#20543737
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34752) - you deserved it (2552)

On 03/14/2013 at 6:04pm - misc - by grandson of a p.o.s. (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when my upstairs neighbor decided to take the longest piss known to man. He moaned the entire time. FML

#20545680
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38129) - you deserved it (4324)

On 03/16/2013 at 2:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, of the two IDs I possess, I handed the cop that pulled me over the fake one. FML

#20545967
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9728) - you deserved it (65214)

On 03/16/2013 at 10:58am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, it's my third night of finally living on my own in a house. I can't count the number of times I have run to my knife and pepper spray after hearing "suspicious" sounds. Maybe I'm not ready to be an adult after all. FML

#20550428
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29466) - you deserved it (8393)

On 03/19/2013 at 2:32am - misc - by nearly20yetasfearfulasatoddlerhavingnightmares (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my gorgeous, smart, perfect new boyfriend has an unusual fetish. It doesn't involve me at all actually. Just a Labrador. This is probably a deal breaker. FML

#20550555
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45553) - you deserved it (4594)

On 03/19/2013 at 7:30am - intimacy - by soontobesingle (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, we started our 17 hour drive to Michigan for spring break. My mom decided to go to Target to buy some music CDs. All she bought was three Nicki Minaj CDs. She has already replayed the first CD four times. 14 hours to go. FML

#20551039
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39152) - you deserved it (3583)

On 03/19/2013 at 4:12pm - misc - by :( - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I woke to find my laptop and printer covered in what smells like pee. My boyfriend then confessed to me that he occasionally "sleep-pees". It's like sleepwalking, but where he urinates on random objects. FML

#20538947
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31515) - you deserved it (2483)

On 03/11/2013 at 12:09am - misc - by marcymoo - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML

#20540360
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25387) - you deserved it (8393)

On 03/12/2013 at 12:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that the reason my mom hasn't been noticing the extra cleaning I've done lately is because her boyfriend took credit when she asked about it; and was rewarded for it in bed. I helped him get with my mom. FML

#20545866
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38298) - you deserved it (3672)

On 03/16/2013 at 8:17am - misc - by nomorecleaning (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I went to the gym with my grandma. In the span of an hour, she was hit on more than I ever have been in my life. FML

#20547830
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32768) - you deserved it (3956)

On 03/17/2013 at 3:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, I told my family I was divorcing my husband. My little sister asked if "we can keep him instead". FML

#20546016
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34008) - you deserved it (7179)

On 03/16/2013 at 11:51am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I had an interview for a job I really wanted. On my resume, I wrote that I speak conversational Spanish, although I don't. When I arrived for the interview, my interviewer decided to conduct it in Spanish. FML

#20549811
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8080) - you deserved it (83504)

On 03/18/2013 at 7:42pm - work - by nohablaespanol - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized that the smell of chlorine has started to turn me on, probably because my girlfriend has an indoor pool in her house. Guess who works as a swim instructor. FML

#20552149
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41208) - you deserved it (5755)

On 03/20/2013 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)



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