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Friday 22 May 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I waited tables for the first time at my new restaurant job. I asked a group of older men what they would like. One replied, "A slice of that ass". I'm 19 and a guy. FML

#21413610
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22066) - you deserved it (1972)

On 05/21/2015 at 4:41pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, it was the first time a guy has shown any interest in me by calling me pretty. I was so shocked that instead of saying thank you, I hid behind the nearest object and promptly giggle-snorted. FML

Today, I missed my bus. But it didn't miss me. I've been in the hospital for 8 hours with a broken leg. FML

#21413750
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16420) - you deserved it (1155)

On 05/21/2015 at 9:55pm - money - by FrickingBusDrivers (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I saw a real, erect penis for the first time. My brother's, while he was jerking off. He doesn't know I saw, because he was holding a pair of panties over his face with his other hand. I'm trying like hell to act like I'm not mentally scarred. FML

#21411971
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27825) - you deserved it (2703)

On 05/18/2015 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I had the most rancid fart. My dog woke up from his nap and bit me as punishment. FML

#21412078
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22722) - you deserved it (6405)

On 05/18/2015 at 4:40pm - misc - by Swabidizop - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was fired for not asking a senior citizen for proof that he was over 21 and legally allowed to purchase alcohol. When I told my manager he was clearly over 21, he replied, "But what if he WASN'T?" FML

#21412440
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26694) - you deserved it (2838)

On 05/19/2015 at 7:43am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML

#21412477
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23890) - you deserved it (8546)

On 05/19/2015 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my brother changed my Google+ name without asking. He has done this before and I fixed it by just changing it back. Turns out Google has a 3-time limit per year for how many times you can change your name. Now I'm stuck with "Poop" for my YouTube name for a year. FML

#21412861
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22547) - you deserved it (3525)

On 05/20/2015 at 1:34am - misc - by KittKatt (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went indoor rock climbing. After finally making it to the top, my pants ripped on my last move. I wasn't wearing any underwear. FML

#21412970
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18194) - you deserved it (15680)

On 05/20/2015 at 10:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, I woke up to my roommates "pet" snake casually lying in bed with me. I then got yelled at for screaming and scaring the snake. Apparently, it's my fault that it bit my chin. FML

Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML

#21412889
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27975) - you deserved it (2202)

On 05/20/2015 at 4:45am - intimacy - by wtf bro (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, one of my idiot co-workers thought it'd be hilarious to "fix" my car while I was working. Now every time I step on the brake pedal, the horn goes off. FML

#21412007
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25884) - you deserved it (2149)

On 05/18/2015 at 2:41pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, in my film class, we were watching Schindler's List. At least, we tried. The moron next to me kept interrupting the most intense scenes with a very loud, "I don't get it." Not only did she break the focus of the class, but we had to keep stopping the movie to explain it to her. FML

#21412612
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21693) - you deserved it (1442)

On 05/19/2015 at 3:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)



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Friday 22 May 2015

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