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Sunday 29 March 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband was involved in a horrible series of accidents; he repeatedly slipped and fell into my best friend's vagina. FML

#21382840
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27779) - you deserved it (1814)

On 03/28/2015 at 5:20am - intimacy - by soontobewidow (woman) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, my teacher took my test along with another student's and gave us both a zero. Why? Because we both have colds so when we breathe through our nose it makes a sniffle noise. She thought we were using a secret code to communicate by sniffling. FML

#21380083
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35298) - you deserved it (2211)

On 03/23/2015 at 11:43am - misc - by Mr. Sniffles - United States (Ohio)

Today, my school had to make an official announcement that students were not permitted to go home due to Zayn Malik leaving One Direction because so many girls were claiming they couldn't focus on school with such a dramatic event occurring. FML

#21381783
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34733) - you deserved it (2943)

On 03/26/2015 at 9:20am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I managed to take an entire shower without realizing my socks were on. I washed my feet. FML

#21382179
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19663) - you deserved it (7797)

On 03/26/2015 at 11:28pm - misc - by comfort_ - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was doing homework and I had my leg bent in a funny position. When I stood up, my hip dislocated. It was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. When people ask me what happened, I have to say I dislocated my hip doing calculus. FML

#21381072
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26255) - you deserved it (2725)

On 03/25/2015 at 12:24am - health - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayne Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML

#21381305
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28375) - you deserved it (4173)

On 03/25/2015 at 3:00pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

#21382327
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24207) - you deserved it (2603)

On 03/27/2015 at 9:29am - kids - by njh - Ireland

Today, my husband used the vacuum cleaner. Proud of him for this first-ever initiative, I congratulated him. His second initiative was to stick the nozzle on my ass, yelling, "Liposuction!" FML

#21380706
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27180) - you deserved it (4463) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/24/2015 at 8:58am - love - by chassezlenaturel (woman) - Belgium

Today, a coworker jokingly noted that my signature looks like "Pedo". I couldn't see it that way, so I asked some other people for their opinion. They confessed they'd always thought it looked like "Pedo", but never said anything. My name is Peele. I've been signing it off as Pedo for 10 years. FML

#21381199
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25361) - you deserved it (3133)

On 03/25/2015 at 9:10am - misc - by peele - Estonia (Harjumaa)

Today, my younger sister stopped talking to me. I got engaged to my boyfriend of 4 years and apparently, she's been in love with him since she met him. Through me. She's 12. FML

#21380050
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32939) - you deserved it (2461)

On 03/23/2015 at 10:24am - love - by twelvie - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after telling my audience of preschoolers and parents that I'd been performing magic since I was a kid in 1995, a 4-year-old got more laughter and applause than I did in my entire act by gasping, "1995? You should be dead by now!" FML

#21380814
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24783) - you deserved it (2424)

On 03/24/2015 at 4:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up and attacked my face. FML

#21379871
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28000) - you deserved it (3119)

On 03/23/2015 at 12:42am - animals - by birdsterrifyme - United States (Missouri)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

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  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

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