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Saturday 25 October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job, mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML

#21283795
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25448) - you deserved it (3000)

On 10/23/2014 at 2:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML

#21284275
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19739) - you deserved it (5362)

On 10/24/2014 at 6:54am - intimacy - by too good - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I was skating in the city when I slipped and fractured my arm. As I was lying in pain, a guy walked up to me, frisked my pocket and took my wallet. He then said: "It's nothing personal." FML

#21281599
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33842) - you deserved it (2817)

On 10/20/2014 at 4:50am - misc - by ColdStones (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to hide in the washroom closet while I was taking a piss. I wasn't pissing, I was wanking. FML

#21281971
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31059) - you deserved it (9170)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by John (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML

#21282836
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28012) - you deserved it (2917)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:18pm - work - by Australian Lifeguard - United States (Arizona)

Today, my parents told me off for reading, as opposed to watching TV like the rest of the family, because it was "anti-social". FML

#21282362
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29335) - you deserved it (2181)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:37am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I lost my laptop, but I have my old childhood computer to use. It's password-protected, and the hint to the password is "meaner than Hera." I haven't been into Greek mythology since I was a kid, and if anything, this computer has just shown me how dumb I've gotten over the years. FML

#21282844
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25615) - you deserved it (4789)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by HeckIfIKnow (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

#21281977
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27048) - you deserved it (4229)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:38pm - misc - by Anonymos_fmler - United States (Illinois)

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

#21282365
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32060) - you deserved it (2884)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:42am - misc - by youngboob (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my 17-year-old son managed to easily convince my 13-year-old daughter that if you have sex before getting married, you'll instantly get horrible diseases that will kill you. Her freaking out is how I found out she's not only gullible as hell, but sexually active as well. FML

#21283066
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33564) - you deserved it (4132)

On 10/22/2014 at 12:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML

#21281604
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32352) - you deserved it (2582)

On 10/20/2014 at 5:28am - intimacy - by bye loser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

#21282367
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30298) - you deserved it (6219)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:49am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I offered "Girls Gone Wild" as an example of bad TV in my lecture thinking it was a reality TV show. It's porn. FML



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Friday 24 October 2014

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