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Saturday 20 December 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my classmate commented on how quiet I am. I responded with, "Well, nobody plots murder out loud," trying to be funny. My teacher tried to get me arrested. FML

#21318752
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29315) - you deserved it (5701)

On 12/16/2014 at 8:54pm - work - by justjoking - United States

Today, I woke up to the lovely sounds of goats having escaped their pen and climbed onto the roof. Again. FML

#21318538
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24261) - you deserved it (2446)

On 12/16/2014 at 1:42pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML

#21318050
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26086) - you deserved it (2776)

On 12/15/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by thechaos (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I called this girl I've had a crush on for 2 years to confess my love to her. However, as she picked up the phone, I got so nervous that I froze and couldn't say a word. I was standing there, breathing heavily for 20 seconds. She got so freaked out that she threatened to call the police. FML

#21317815
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28192) - you deserved it (7553)

On 12/15/2014 at 6:59am - love - by LonelyGuy (man) - Australia

Today, my 5-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher to write a letter to each member of her family to read during the holidays. Her letter to me said, "Dear mommy, come on. You could have done better than dad." FML

#21318238
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28139) - you deserved it (3300)

On 12/15/2014 at 10:38pm - kids - by Lisa - United States (Missouri)

Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML

#21319149
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25006) - you deserved it (4770)

On 12/17/2014 at 1:47pm - misc - by RIP Turd (peacebeuponit) (man) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, I had my midterm finals for AP Literature. My teacher had good news and bad news for us. The bad news? That he lost the file for our original exam and so had to make a harder exam for us. An exam he told us not to study for. The good news? "Jesus Christ suffered and died for our sins." FML

#21319606
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25649) - you deserved it (2306)

On 12/18/2014 at 7:11am - misc - by subversivepanda (woman) - Guam

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my cat let out the biggest moan I have ever heard, while we were both in the living room. My dad heard and accused me of watching porn. FML

#21317874
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28801) - you deserved it (2481)

On 12/15/2014 at 11:07am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got a new downstairs neighbor. Herpes. FML

#21318606
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20919) - you deserved it (27692)

On 12/16/2014 at 4:04pm - health - by fuck - Norway (Buskerud)

Today, I felt a horrible pain while having sex with my wife, and I had to stop. I thought it was a hernia or something, but she called me a liar and accused me of everything from not finding her attractive, to me cheating on her. It turned out I had appendicitis. She still won't apologize. FML

#21319192
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32558) - you deserved it (2178)

On 12/17/2014 at 3:09pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I found out my Nan passed away. My boyfriend came over to comfort me, things got intimate and we ended up having sex. After he came, he chuckled to himself and said, "That one's for you, Nan". FML

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML

#21318970
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26697) - you deserved it (2461)

On 12/17/2014 at 2:35am - love - by monster in law. - United States

Today, my mother-in-law asked for a copy of my son's death certificate so she could have her week-long island beach holiday classed as bereavement leave. FML



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