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August 2016

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Today, at my hotel, I spent over an hour dumpster diving trying to locate a pair of shorts for a spoiled brat that one of the cleaning staff accidentally threw away. When I finally found and returned them to the family, the father insisted they weren't the right ones. Spent all day smelling of trash. FML

by Downinthedumps / 08/14/2016 at 6:44pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, the price I paid to go on a kayaking trip in the sea was nothing compared to the price that my foot paid when it inadvertently stepped on a sea urchin halfway into the water. FML

by royallymessedup / 08/14/2016 at 9:13am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Holidays

Today, I was spending the night at my fiancé's house. He knew my period was about to start, so he asked if he needed to put a tarp down on the bed. He was dead serious. FML

by hannax / 08/16/2016 at 1:26pm / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Health

Today, while driving to a client's home, I received a text. Since I loathe those who text and drive, I pulled into a convenience store's parking lot. While I was texting, a car sped into the lot, rear-ending my car. FML

by Anonymous / 08/18/2016 at 4:44pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, while at a baseball game, I was telling my friends about my underaged drinking experience at my sister's bachelorette party. It wasn't until I was done telling the story that I realized the Dean of my college was right behind us, looking right at me. So much for a good first impression. FML

by fuckingcool / 08/18/2016 at 5:19pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, in the class I'm teaching, I assigned my students an essay to complete for homework. One student asked me if I was deducting points for bad spelling. I teach English. FML

by leah_kascar / 08/21/2016 at 9:45pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I made quite an impression on my new bin men by forgetting to put the bin out 'til the last minute. I'm sure they enjoyed a good laugh at the woman in shorts, tank top and slippers struggling with a brolly as she slipped and slid while dragging her bin up a hill in a downpour. FML

by Impressionist / 08/25/2016 at 7:17am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I arrived for the holiday across the world that I spent my entire savings from working during college on. I had a slight sore throat, and couldn't manage to equalise my right ear, aborting all my scuba dives. There goes $500 and my dream of being a scuba instructor. FML

by Theregomylifesavings / 08/07/2016 at 4:52am / Vanuatu (Shefa) / Holidays

Today, the owner of the restaurant I work at texted me to let me know the manager does not want me to come in anymore. Why? I'm the most praised of the staff by the customers and they love me, which makes the manager look bad. The owner hired me solely for customer service in the first place. FML

by browneyedgirlx3 / 08/07/2016 at 11:19pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I left my phone at work. After returning to the office to retrieve it, I noticed it was not on my desk as it usually is. I went to the front office and found it on the desk, unattended. When turning on my phone, I was greeted by my new lockscreen: a crap someone took in the bathroom. FML

by Oxnar60 / 08/08/2016 at 2:19pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I sprained my wrist while trying to grate a block of frozen cheese. FML

by cheeseless / 08/11/2016 at 4:47pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, despite having a bunch of work and school related things to do, I made time to go visit family I hadn't seen in a while. The main topic of discussion was how fat I've gotten. FML

by mcfatty / 08/14/2016 at 12:21am / India (Karnataka) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me that he loved me for the first time in a way I'll never forget. In fact, his exact words were, "You're not the only one that I love." FML

by Maddii1112 / 08/10/2016 at 3:28pm / United States / Love