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April 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, due to my wife saying I never cook and we always order pizza, I spent a good hour preparing dinner. While serving it to my kids, they started complaining. My wife told them to shut up. When she took a bite, she looked up at me, smiled, and said, "Do you, you know, want to just order pizza?" FML

#21108567
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35794) - you deserved it (4770)

On 04/09/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by Max - United States

Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I don't like her Facebook statuses enough. FML

#21107057
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36834) - you deserved it (4330)

On 04/07/2014 at 7:39pm - love - by AlonsoKold - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML

#21112406
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29806) - you deserved it (4460)

On 04/13/2014 at 11:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, it's my birthday. The only people who wished me a happy birthday were the ones who saw the "birthday boy" poster my sister plastered around school, which included a photo of me as a kid dressed up as a girl. FML

#21114561
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19848) - you deserved it (1555)

On 04/16/2014 at 1:24pm - misc - by birthdaygirl - United States (California)

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Not only was he boring, he twice excused himself to go to the bathroom and both times he came back smelling of weed. FML

#21101191
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35910) - you deserved it (5331)

On 03/31/2014 at 6:05pm - love - by Jaime - United States (New York)

Today, I really needed to be cheered up a bit after having had a horrible, depressing weekend. Luckily the guy I've been dating for some time, and who I really like, invited me over for dinner. Apparently, he wanted to see me so he could tell me he thinks we should stop seeing each other. FML

Today, I sat and watched the CEO of DreamWorks on TV misuse words such as "quantum". He's filthy rich, whereas I'm a savagely underpaid gardener. FML

Today, the girl I've been dating for two weeks brought up the topic of marriage, then started asking me when we're moving in together. FML

#21102998
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41781) - you deserved it (5324)

On 04/02/2014 at 5:22pm - love - by fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuc (man) - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, my family and I went on a hike to a local abandoned gold mine, with the hopes of being able to explore the caves. What we didn't expect was four miles of treacherous, rocky, near vertical trails that led to the mine. Once we finally got there, exhausted, it was blocked off for safety reasons. FML

#21112302
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26654) - you deserved it (9161)

On 04/13/2014 at 9:57pm - misc - by bummed -

Today, I had to tell my daughter that just because markers say "washable", it doesn't mean that you can draw all over our newly-painted walls. She's 15. FML

#21102656
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37500) - you deserved it (5269)

On 04/02/2014 at 4:16am - kids - by IcyWinter - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I realized that the only female who shows any sexual interest in me at all is my 70-year-old neighbor. FML

#21113897
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27181) - you deserved it (2586)

On 04/15/2014 at 5:55pm - love - by gerontofuck (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had to work at the restaurant instead of going to the prom, which nobody asked me out to. For five hours, I got to shamefully greet and seat people on their way home from the prom, all of whom knew I was too lame to get asked out. FML

#21111507
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38303) - you deserved it (3657)

On 04/12/2014 at 11:01pm - work - by annoyed teen - United States (Idaho)

Today, a week after moving into my new house, I'm seriously considering suing the previous occupant. He failed to mention how the neighbor has his own band and rehearses every other day until 2am. Their music is so bad, it sounds like the wailing of a cat being tortured to death. FML

#21105113
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33660) - you deserved it (4516)

On 04/05/2014 at 11:27am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

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FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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