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January 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML

#21331973
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25597) - you deserved it (3997)

On 01/06/2015 at 11:40am - misc - by Anonymous - Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh)

Today, I was working out on a horse farm. I slipped and fell on some ice, whacking my head on the metal gate in the process. As I was getting up, I accidentally grabbed the electric fence. FML

Today, my in-laws were visiting. My mother-in-law asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He said "A pimp!" I have no idea where he even heard the word, but the death glares my in-laws gave me made me want to shrivel up and die. FML

#21342258
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26205) - you deserved it (2608)

On 01/22/2015 at 1:27pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I witnessed my husband in the shower singing Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" to his penis while manscaping. I guess that's a bond we'll never have. FML

#21342844
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25053) - you deserved it (3138)

On 01/23/2015 at 11:46am - intimacy - by LD - United States (Idaho)

Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that The Interview wasn't a documentary and that Kim Jong-un wasn't actually assassinated by a pair of goofy reporters. FML

#21338906
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26832) - you deserved it (5588)

On 01/17/2015 at 1:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I mixed up my chapstick and cork grease. Now my clarinet smells like cherries, and my lips smell like a gym floor. FML

#21340194
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28491) - you deserved it (6294)

On 01/19/2015 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to call a few different women and explain to them that my little brother had catfished them. I had to do it because he is mute and my parents were too busy screaming at him. FML

#21335978
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25786) - you deserved it (1824)

On 01/12/2015 at 8:11pm - misc - by PO'd big bro - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she's afraid of my ex-wife. This is the third one in a row to use that very reason. The judge still won't accept my pleas for a restraining order. FML

#21333809
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33216) - you deserved it (2158)

On 01/09/2015 at 6:43am - love - by swimfaned - United States

Today, I called a suicide prevention hotline. The guy who picked up sounded drunk, told me to fuck off, and hung up. FML

#21342247
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37713) - you deserved it (3159)

On 01/22/2015 at 12:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out the pet name my girlfriend gave my penis wasn't randomly made up after all; it's her ex's name. FML

#21341448
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30837) - you deserved it (2613)

On 01/21/2015 at 3:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my little brother walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex and threatened to tell my parents. I paid him $30 to keep quiet. 15 minutes later he told them. FML

#21335701
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32192) - you deserved it (11574)

On 01/12/2015 at 11:43am - intimacy - by bowler99 - United States (New York)

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. I called the fire department and told them where I was. They said they'd be right there and not to panic. It's hour 6. FML

#21332463
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33140) - you deserved it (2035)

On 01/07/2015 at 1:03am - health - by random875 - United States (Maryland)

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex. In the middle of it he said, "I want us to be covalent bonds". I didn't understand what he meant, and he actually stopped to explain it to me. FML

#21346746
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12977) - you deserved it (3544)

On 01/30/2015 at 10:11am - intimacy - by Chemist-why (woman) - United States (California)



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  • Hello everyone, how's it going? You doing OK? Friday is the right time to get your glad rags on, go out, meet your friends, have a drink, get your freak on, shoot the breeze, shoot some hoops, don't shoot…

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