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October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at age 31, I was about to finally lose my virginity. As we tumbled onto the bed, an excruciating pain shot through my stomach. It turned out to be a hernia, and no, I didn't get laid in the end. FML

#21271185
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36075) - you deserved it (3304)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:55am - intimacy - by fucksake (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, I found out my son was selling pot for pesos. We live in New Jersey and have never planned on going to Mexico. FML

#21268628
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37312) - you deserved it (4536)

On 09/30/2014 at 10:30pm - kids - by Potforapeso (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I attended an assembly regarding senior graduation. The assistant principal told us to look to the left and right of us, because those people would be our friends for the rest of our lives. I was the only one in the entire row. FML

#21273575
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37585) - you deserved it (3595)

On 10/08/2014 at 2:48pm - misc - by allergic_to_bull (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML

#21278162
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38058) - you deserved it (4564)

On 10/15/2014 at 2:27am - misc - by burritobreasts -

Today, my annoying colleague gasped, wrapped her arms around herself, started sweating and curled up in a ball crying, "No, no, no" in front of several customers. They accused me of 'setting her off', when I blurted out, "Sorry, she gets panic attacks". All I did was say the word 'abortion'. FML

#21281594
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26872) - you deserved it (4861)

On 10/20/2014 at 4:31am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I and a coworker got bitched out and suspended by our boss after our computers got infected with a weird porn virus. It soon turned out the virus had come from our boss' infected memory stick. Did he apologize? No. Is our suspension still in force? Yes. FML

#21275140
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36782) - you deserved it (2456)

On 10/10/2014 at 6:34pm - work - by shatfjord (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML

#21270631
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37604) - you deserved it (3869)

On 10/04/2014 at 12:31pm - misc - by runsinthefamily (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my best friend, who I've been in love with for nearly a decade, asked me to help him set up an online dating profile. During our 4-hour conversation, as he waded through the profiles, he complained that it was impossible for him to find a girl to have a meaningful conversation with. FML

#21269205
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38498) - you deserved it (5524)

On 10/01/2014 at 9:33pm - love - by EosThorn (woman) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, I was talking to my brother about how careless people are. Minutes later, I shocked myself with my dog's shock-collar. FML

#21269342
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18464) - you deserved it (30868)

On 10/02/2014 at 12:47am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I got robbed. I just moved so I didn't have much in my new house. They did decide that my cat was valuable enough to steal. FML

#21271461
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42070) - you deserved it (2499)

On 10/05/2014 at 7:30pm - animals - by FML - United States (Texas)

Today, I found a decomposing hamster deep in my closet. My daughter had hidden "Peach" after accidentally killing it and said it had ran away a month ago. And I'd believed her. FML

#21271391
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34302) - you deserved it (4042)

On 10/05/2014 at 5:34pm - kids - by SmellyCloset (man) - United States (California)

Today, I thought I would be cute for my 1 year anniversary with my girlfriend so I cooked a three course meal for her with candles and rose petals on the floor. She loved the dinner, except now she's passed out in a food coma upstairs while I'm left with the dishes. FML

#21270586
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34899) - you deserved it (6247)

On 10/04/2014 at 9:57am - love - by cuteloser (man) - Australia

Today, before work, I was quickly cleaning when I tripped and the side of my neck hit the countertop, causing a dark bruise. During work, people wouldn't stop giving me high fives for getting laid and I was too embarrassed to tell them truth that I'm not desirable, just clumsy. FML

#21277907
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29597) - you deserved it (3127)

On 10/14/2014 at 8:13pm - misc - by ForeverAlone - United States (South Dakota)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

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