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February 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend tried to justify having a one night stand with some other guy, with the words, "I'm on my period, okay?!" She acted like I was crazy when I asked how the fuck that made any sense. FML

#21350975
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32267) - you deserved it (2093)

On 02/06/2015 at 3:10pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, somebody poured a cup of coffee down the back of my shirt. When I turned around, I saw a man who said, "You looked like my ex from behind!" and ran off. FML

#21349054
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32429) - you deserved it (1676)

On 02/03/2015 at 2:03pm - love - by Anonymous - Netherlands (Limburg)

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

#21351917
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30764) - you deserved it (3058)

On 02/08/2015 at 3:35am - animals - by OnlyAvailableID - Australia

Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML

#21353006
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28587) - you deserved it (2621)

On 02/09/2015 at 9:32pm - misc - by LunaCrow (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I found out the hard way that blood-filled deer ticks can look a lot like black jelly beans. FML

#21360309
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28943) - you deserved it (7396)

On 02/21/2015 at 10:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my extremely hot coworker told me that I smelled good. At a complete loss for words, I replied, "Oh, I'm sure I don't." FML

#21359386
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26745) - you deserved it (4789)

On 02/19/2015 at 7:14pm - misc - by thisiswhyimavirgin (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I'm sick with a stomach flu. For the last 5 hours, I've been going back and forth from the couch to the bathroom. Each time I get into the bathroom, I have to make a choice of whether to sit on the toilet or kneel by it. Each time I have to clean up the other mess. FML

#21361729
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29294) - you deserved it (4954)

On 02/23/2015 at 12:56pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I am dating a puppy. FML

#21363602
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25245) - you deserved it (3076)

On 02/25/2015 at 10:31pm - intimacy - by failuretolaunch2 - United States

Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her: "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home with no shopping. FML

#21352119
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43115) - you deserved it (2976)

On 02/08/2015 at 2:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I found out that my 4-year-old son is truly convinced that I am a ghost. He also thinks that I died from burning, "because of your face". FML

#21349104
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27615) - you deserved it (1858)

On 02/03/2015 at 3:45pm - kids - by burned -

Today, I responded to an emergency call for an intoxicated 83-year-old man with chest pains. As I leaned forward to check his lung sounds, he groped my chest and said, "Nice rack". I just wanted to see if he had difficulty breathing. I don't even get paid for this, I'm a volunteer for the town. FML

#21353037
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30671) - you deserved it (2385)

On 02/09/2015 at 10:15pm - work - by EMTGirl'sLife - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I learned that, when choking on a piece of food, you can cough hard enough to partially prolapse a hemorrhoid. FML

#21362525
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23769) - you deserved it (1765)

On 02/24/2015 at 11:15am - health - by novaguy - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has a beautiful daughter. That's cool, except she's 1 year old. FML

#21360646
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31792) - you deserved it (2310)

On 02/21/2015 at 9:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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Friday 27 February 2015

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