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August 2014

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Today, my new boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't understand him. He pushed me away and ignored me the rest of the night. Apparently it's a huge turn-off that I can't talk dirty in Klingon. FML

#21246884
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31722) - you deserved it (3633)

On 08/28/2014 at 12:34am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out that the reason my boyfriend hasn't texted me recently is that he'd forgotten he was dating anyone. FML

#21244761
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37150) - you deserved it (4393)

On 08/24/2014 at 11:27pm - love - by angry girlfriend - United States (Indiana)

Today, at the beach, I noticed a plastic bag in the water. I wanted to do something good for a change, help protect the environment and get it out. It wasn't a bag; it was a jellyfish. FML

#21236316
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38738) - you deserved it (8359) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/13/2014 at 12:28am - animals - by Muwz - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had to flush someone else's shit in the public washroom at work. It was so vile, I didn't want to get anywhere near it, so flushed it with my foot, only for it to slip off the handle and into the toilet. FML

#21244424
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34236) - you deserved it (11721)

On 08/24/2014 at 1:31pm - work - by Alisterine - United States (Missouri)

Today, after a long silent and awkward pause after asking my girlfriend's dad if I can take her on holiday for Christmas, he looked me dead in the eyes and said "No, you may not impregnate my daughter." FML

#21243591
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37610) - you deserved it (4610)

On 08/23/2014 at 3:34am - intimacy - by Dafuq happen there - South Africa

Today, I had to give a video presentation. My video was on animal abuse, but I somehow played a video of myself singing Britney Spears in my room. FML

Today, I was sitting in a boring lecture. Out of bordom, I made a fish-faces with my mouth. Somehow, I made the most realistic fart noise I've ever heard in the process. The whole room stared at me. FML

Today, I talked to a girl I like. I tried to make her jealous by telling her I had a "thing" going with another girl. She looked deeply into my eyes and said, "Wait, aren't you gay?" FML

#21242399
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37730) - you deserved it (14404)

On 08/21/2014 at 11:37am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I wore a tank top for the first time in a few years. It turned out even worse than the last time. I got insulted by several people over my "Never say never" upper chest tattoo, which I got years ago, before the words ever became associated with a certain douchy Canadian pop "singer". FML

#21230914
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42010) - you deserved it (9124)

On 08/06/2014 at 12:45pm - misc - by beaverfever (man) - Poland (Zachodniopomorskie)

Today, my girlfriend got her period. It seemed more painful for her than usual, so I offered to go out and buy some painkillers and maybe some chocolate for her. She thought I was being sarcastic and slapped me so hard I saw stars. FML

#21245120
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36355) - you deserved it (3230)

On 08/25/2014 at 2:58pm - misc - by nhyari (man) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, I found out that my doctor wasn't kidding when he said "sudden diarrhea may occur" with my new medication. I learned this while walking my dog a mile away from my house. FML

Today, I finally told my dad that I hate his girlfriend. I said her daughter's a complete whore, and her son is annoying as fuck. Turns out they were in the house and within earshot, ready to throw me a birthday party. FML

#21243310
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22427) - you deserved it (41492)

On 08/22/2014 at 6:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had a seizure while at the airport, ready to go on vacation with my family. We ended up missing our flight. My mom spent most of the ride home making cracks about how I'm always ruining things with my "dramatics". Sorry that I have epilepsy, mom. FML

#21232741
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47205) - you deserved it (2849)

On 08/08/2014 at 7:25pm - health - by Anonymous - Sweden (Vasternorrlands Lan)



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