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October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at my apartment complex, I was carrying a bag of trash up to the dumpster. A guy stopped his car and helped me carry it the rest of the way. I thanked him and he asked me out. I explained that I was married. He grabbed the trash bag and carried it back to my apartment. FML

#21285821
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31889) - you deserved it (3455)

On 10/26/2014 at 6:46pm - love - by mellielynnemily - United States

Today, I fell asleep on the couch. My parents didn't wake me up, went to bed and set our burglar alarm. If I trip a motion sensor, a siren will go off. The motion sensor in my living room is pointed directly at me and I have to pee. It's been 2 hours. FML

#21282761
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31181) - you deserved it (3748)

On 10/21/2014 at 10:11pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I tried to download some network-monitoring software for the office as I suspect that one of my staff has been constantly downloading torrents. It wouldn't download because someone was using all the bandwidth. FML

#21282944
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28112) - you deserved it (2720)

On 10/22/2014 at 4:09am - work - by Thewatcher (man) - Mauritius

Today, I confronted my girlfriend after catching her cheating on me. After she finished crying, she had the brass balls to say she'd understand if I needed a couple of weeks to forgive her, and asked me for bus fare so she could go tell the other guy they could only be friends now. FML

#21280490
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36672) - you deserved it (3022)

On 10/18/2014 at 2:44pm - love - by yee-whore (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my wife pressed a button in the elevator and quickly ran out, leaving me in there with my crying baby. When the elevator arrived at the floor, the doors opened on a wedding reception. The doors couldn't have taken any longer to close again FML

#21276854
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34941) - you deserved it (3208)

On 10/13/2014 at 11:42am - kids - by Anonymous - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I finally got around to cleaning out my mother's things after her passing. In the process I found a fancy box. What did it contain? A collection of crack pipes. FML

#21270609
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36148) - you deserved it (2582)

On 10/04/2014 at 10:58am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a customer was looking for some decking materials. I took her around the store and pointed out some nice plywood, noting that it's also fire-retardant, which might interest her. She got pissed off and bitched me out for supposedly calling her a retard. FML

#21270214
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31472) - you deserved it (2618)

On 10/03/2014 at 5:13pm - work - by hopeless (man) - Canada

Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML

#21270200
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33039) - you deserved it (2435)

On 10/03/2014 at 4:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I started my job selling perfume in a department store. I decided to be creative and sprayed a little perfume towards the first person who walked by. She had an allergic reaction, and an ambulance had to be called. FML

#21281002
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19252) - you deserved it (37145)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:24am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I was mowing my grandma's lawn when I was suddenly swarmed by bees. When my grandma saw me covered in stings later on, she said, "Oh yeah, there are tons of bees in the grass! Be careful!" FML

#21274044
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32529) - you deserved it (2215)

On 10/09/2014 at 2:51am - health - by bees - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML

#21282480
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20634) - you deserved it (27345)

On 10/21/2014 at 3:46pm - misc - by GetMeTheDamnBleach (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I overheard my co-workers talking about how they don't need flu shots because everyone else gets them. These people are in the medical industry. FML

#21286250
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28585) - you deserved it (2787)

On 10/27/2014 at 11:40am - work - by Silbax1 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after my first day at work at a local daycare, I found out that I'm not entitled to breaks because I'm the only worker there who doesn't smoke. My boss asked me, ''What do you need a break for?'' FML

#21284495
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35045) - you deserved it (2534)

On 10/24/2014 at 4:52pm - work - by Anonymous - Ireland (Dublin)



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