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October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML

#21281604
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35148) - you deserved it (2687)

On 10/20/2014 at 5:28am - intimacy - by bye loser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

#21283193
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15104) - you deserved it (33275)

On 10/22/2014 at 4:24pm - misc - by mr_cheese (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, it's the first birthday of the condom in my pocket. FML

#21276832
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36476) - you deserved it (7175)

On 10/13/2014 at 10:15am - intimacy - by badplacerightnow (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I tried to download some network-monitoring software for the office as I suspect that one of my staff has been constantly downloading torrents. It wouldn't download because someone was using all the bandwidth. FML

#21282944
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28033) - you deserved it (2717)

On 10/22/2014 at 4:09am - work - by Thewatcher (man) - Mauritius

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

#21275111
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31730) - you deserved it (18673)

On 10/10/2014 at 5:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my son was smart enough to hack the school's computers to change his midterm, but isn't smart enough to actually keep his grades up. FML

#21273806
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34275) - you deserved it (3547)

On 10/08/2014 at 9:12pm - kids - by thenegatives - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, in the men's room a guy using the adjacent toilet dropped his phone, and it fell right next to my foot. The screen was facing upward, and looked like he was taking pictures of his junk in the office toilet. FML

#21269595
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32929) - you deserved it (2625)

On 10/02/2014 at 2:20pm - misc - by Vkaz (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was being interviewed for a grant over the phone. When asked why I wanted to go to school to be an OB nursing assistant, I panicked and yelled, "BECAUSE VAGINAS ARE FASCINATING!" into the receiver. FML

#21286497
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23823) - you deserved it (9794)

On 10/27/2014 at 7:05pm - health - by lady parts - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at a football game with my boyfriend. I said my hands were getting cold, hoping he'd hold them. He replied, "Uh, they make pockets for a reason..." and physically showed me how to put my hands in my pockets. FML

#21280399
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32549) - you deserved it (6499)

On 10/18/2014 at 10:53am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, at my apartment complex, I was carrying a bag of trash up to the dumpster. A guy stopped his car and helped me carry it the rest of the way. I thanked him and he asked me out. I explained that I was married. He grabbed the trash bag and carried it back to my apartment. FML

#21285821
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31355) - you deserved it (3375)

On 10/26/2014 at 6:46pm - love - by mellielynnemily - United States

Today, my teenage daughter asked me to buy her the morning after pill, saying "It's for my acne." FML

#21270394
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35715) - you deserved it (4214)

On 10/03/2014 at 11:08pm - health - by Disappointed -

Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML

#21270711
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41121) - you deserved it (8632)

On 10/04/2014 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by SadMother - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I fell asleep on the couch. My parents didn't wake me up, went to bed and set our burglar alarm. If I trip a motion sensor, a siren will go off. The motion sensor in my living room is pointed directly at me and I have to pee. It's been 2 hours. FML

#21282761
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31073) - you deserved it (3745)

On 10/21/2014 at 10:11pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New York)



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