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November 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because of the scratch marks on my back. I didn't have the nerve to tell her I tried to shower with the cat. FML

#21300928
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16740) - you deserved it (27163)

On 11/17/2014 at 7:56pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I witnessed a hit-and-run. I used my phone to write down the license plate for the police. However, I didn't notice that my phone had autocorrected the number. FML

#21291857
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34658) - you deserved it (3842)

On 11/04/2014 at 9:01am - misc - by fuckshit (man) -

Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML

#21295420
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36814) - you deserved it (4641)

On 11/09/2014 at 1:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML

#21299949
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32583) - you deserved it (3300)

On 11/16/2014 at 12:29am - kids - by wtfdad - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got demonic gastric distress while taking my final college exam. I only got about 50% of it done, left the classroom 50% faster, and experienced both 50% dread and 50% relief. Now I have to repeat 50% of the class. FML

#21293883
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29223) - you deserved it (3564)

On 11/07/2014 at 1:53am - misc - by all shat out - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my boyfriend kept jiggling my fat rolls while we were cuddling. I was annoyed, and I told him he could at least go for my boobs instead. He instantly replied, "But these are bigger..." FML

#21293369
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34161) - you deserved it (7539)

On 11/06/2014 at 12:14pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I compared our No Shave November body hair. This is how I found out that my legs are hairier than his. FML

#21299788
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25711) - you deserved it (6700)

On 11/15/2014 at 8:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I swapped out my maternity gown for a regular old t-shirt. My visiting mother-in-law called me a fatass and said I need to lose weight. I'd given birth just 40 hours earlier. FML

Today, I realized why the lady I had complimented the night before on Halloween about her amazing one-armed costume, looked so hurt. She is literally missing an arm. I'm an asshole. FML

#21289586
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32930) - you deserved it (12198)

On 11/01/2014 at 8:58am - misc - by That Guy - United States (Florida)

Today, I spent over $2,000 on a big flatscreen TV. My dad insisted I let him mount it on the wall instead of paying someone to do it. All seemed fine, until the TV came loose and smashed onto the floor. My dad refuses to accept responsibility, and says I should've had a professional install it instead. FML

#21293581
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39533) - you deserved it (6403)

On 11/06/2014 at 6:37pm - money - by Anonymou$ (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML

#21293677
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29313) - you deserved it (13255)

On 11/06/2014 at 8:55pm - animals - by dwood08 - United States (New York)

Today, my sweet tooth went to a whole different level when I took a swig out of a bottle of maple syrup. FML

Today, I found out the one good thing about having fat rolls: when someone walks in on you sitting on the toilet, they hide your private parts. FML

#21298459
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26731) - you deserved it (5439)

On 11/13/2014 at 5:26pm - misc - by HoobidibooFox (woman) - United Kingdom (Dudley)



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