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October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML

#21272255
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34976) - you deserved it (3644)

On 10/06/2014 at 7:41pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

#21271608
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35328) - you deserved it (15796)

On 10/05/2014 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a customer was looking for some decking materials. I took her around the store and pointed out some nice plywood, noting that it's also fire-retardant, which might interest her. She got pissed off and bitched me out for supposedly calling her a retard. FML

#21270214
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31388) - you deserved it (2617)

On 10/03/2014 at 5:13pm - work - by hopeless (man) - Canada

Today, I fell asleep on the couch. My parents didn't wake me up, went to bed and set our burglar alarm. If I trip a motion sensor, a siren will go off. The motion sensor in my living room is pointed directly at me and I have to pee. It's been 2 hours. FML

#21282761
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28642) - you deserved it (3491)

On 10/21/2014 at 10:11pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I didn't make dinner fast enough so somebody had a yelling and screaming temper tantrum. It would be understandable if the person who threw the tantrum was a child, and not my 57-year-old father. FML

#21283737
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25112) - you deserved it (2106)

On 10/23/2014 at 11:56am - misc - by mnote (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my teenage daughter asked me to buy her the morning after pill, saying "It's for my acne." FML

#21270394
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35559) - you deserved it (4209)

On 10/03/2014 at 11:08pm - health - by Disappointed -

Today, I started my job selling perfume in a department store. I decided to be creative and sprayed a little perfume towards the first person who walked by. She had an allergic reaction, and an ambulance had to be called. FML

#21281002
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18607) - you deserved it (35925)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:24am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I never really thought that my boyfriend and brother having the same name was too weird. Until I called out his name during climax. FML

#21279374
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34235) - you deserved it (4493)

On 10/16/2014 at 9:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my wife pressed a button in the elevator and quickly ran out, leaving me in there with my crying baby. When the elevator arrived at the floor, the doors opened on a wedding reception. The doors couldn't have taken any longer to close again FML

#21276854
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34538) - you deserved it (3197)

On 10/13/2014 at 11:42am - kids - by Anonymous - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML

#21282480
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19272) - you deserved it (25421)

On 10/21/2014 at 3:46pm - misc - by GetMeTheDamnBleach (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML

#21270200
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32912) - you deserved it (2434)

On 10/03/2014 at 4:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I confronted my girlfriend after catching her cheating on me. After she finished crying, she had the brass balls to say she'd understand if I needed a couple of weeks to forgive her, and asked me for bus fare so she could go tell the other guy they could only be friends now. FML

#21280490
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35337) - you deserved it (2976)

On 10/18/2014 at 2:44pm - love - by yee-whore (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

#21283193
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13313) - you deserved it (29566)

On 10/22/2014 at 4:24pm - misc - by mr_cheese (man) - United States (Washington)



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