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October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my wife got a new best-friend. It's my ex-wife. FML

#21283962
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28075) - you deserved it (2689)

On 10/23/2014 at 7:30pm - love - by max - United States (Florida)

Today, I was driving with my grandma and she was going 30 over the speed limit. To slow her down, I said, "Hey look, the police". She slammed on the brakes so hard I hit my head on the dashboard. FML

#21279207
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30670) - you deserved it (15278)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:56pm - misc - by karmaaa - United States (Iowa)

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

#21282365
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32806) - you deserved it (2980)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:42am - misc - by youngboob (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was passing notes in class with my crush. I started to pour my heart out and tell him about how I've liked him for years. I was caught by the teacher. He looked at it, laughed, and tore it up. He then looked at me and said, "I just saved you from years of embarrassment. You're welcome." FML

#21283544
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30950) - you deserved it (8081)

On 10/23/2014 at 12:04am - love - by Rachel - United States (Ohio)

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend cheating on me. The guy turned around and said, "Sorry, I borrowed your condoms." FML

#21283288
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32076) - you deserved it (2330)

On 10/22/2014 at 6:38pm - intimacy - by BadLuckLad (man) - United Kingdom (Portsmouth)

Today, I got called to the guidance office, only to be told my boyfriend broke up with me. He wasn't sure how to break the news to me, so he made my guidance counselor do it for him. FML

#21277708
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41069) - you deserved it (2929)

On 10/14/2014 at 2:57pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my son was smart enough to hack the school's computers to change his midterm, but isn't smart enough to actually keep his grades up. FML

#21273806
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34037) - you deserved it (3538)

On 10/08/2014 at 9:12pm - kids - by thenegatives - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML

#21272255
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34968) - you deserved it (3641)

On 10/06/2014 at 7:41pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML

#21281604
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32989) - you deserved it (2613)

On 10/20/2014 at 5:28am - intimacy - by bye loser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I tried to download some network-monitoring software for the office as I suspect that one of my staff has been constantly downloading torrents. It wouldn't download because someone was using all the bandwidth. FML

#21282944
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25991) - you deserved it (2557)

On 10/22/2014 at 4:09am - work - by Thewatcher (man) - Mauritius

Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML

#21270711
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40380) - you deserved it (8540)

On 10/04/2014 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by SadMother - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I told my boyfriend about how I was a test tube baby. He looked at me with confusion before asking, "But if scientists made you, surely you'd be really attractive and talented and stuff?" FML

#21272259
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37965) - you deserved it (3752)

On 10/06/2014 at 7:47pm - misc - by thanks babe - United Kingdom (Shropshire)

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

#21275111
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31221) - you deserved it (18292)

On 10/10/2014 at 5:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)



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