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July 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was on the internet playing a game. I have a speech impediment, and the guy running it told me to get off his server for making fun of disabled people. FML

#21199175
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44041) - you deserved it (3435)

On 07/05/2014 at 1:37am - misc - by Wow (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to tan naked in a secluded part of my yard, so I wouldn't get tan lines. I even felt adventurous enough to leave my bikini and towel inside. This idea backfired however when my mom stopped home from work, assumed I wasn't home, and locked all the doors before she left again. FML

#21207511
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40438) - you deserved it (11891)

On 07/13/2014 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to check up on a 400-pound inmate who was very upset about being locked up. When I got to his cell, he threw one of his own turds at me through the bars. I took a hit. FML

#21214798
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41890) - you deserved it (3382)

On 07/20/2014 at 1:23am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML

#21210956
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50399) - you deserved it (3679)

On 07/16/2014 at 4:09pm - love - by betrayed (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I smacked my kid on top of the head for spinning the display rack while I was looking at greeting cards. It wasn't until he dramatically screamed and dropped to the floor wailing that I realized he wasn't my daughter. FML

#21194154
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28045) - you deserved it (41021)

On 06/30/2014 at 7:39pm - kids - by BaWanda (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my sister was upset because she felt like no one liked her. Without thinking, I replied, "It's okay. If I acted like you, people would probably hate me, too." This sounded sympathetic in my head. FML

#21195344
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33536) - you deserved it (20871)

On 07/01/2014 at 5:57pm - misc - by wiifantcso (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, while eating dinner with my boyfriend, I look up to see him staring at me, smiling. Hoping he wanted to say how lucky of a man he was who loved me deeply, I asked him what he was thinking. He replied, "You can't smell that yet? It was a noxious one." FML

#21209203
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37354) - you deserved it (5451)

On 07/14/2014 at 7:48pm - love - by KaiyaOtaku1 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to grip the headboard of my bed for the first time in months. I wasn't having incredible sex unfortunately, just really bad gas. FML

#21203235
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35438) - you deserved it (4777)

On 07/08/2014 at 7:37pm - intimacy - by HeartToFart - United States (Florida)

Today, on my first day as a lifeguard, a man had a heart attack in the pool. I jumped in, pulled him out, and even went to the hospital with him. He seemed genuinely offended, saying "You should've let me die." FML

#21198585
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42710) - you deserved it (2744)

On 07/04/2014 at 3:04pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands

Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML

#21199713
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45534) - you deserved it (13995)

On 07/05/2014 at 4:19pm - health - by Rowansgonnarow -

Today, I texted my mom asking how she was doing. Apparently she's great, and on her honeymoon. I didn't know she was getting married, or that my parents had just gotten divorced. FML

#21206148
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41155) - you deserved it (3888)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:02pm - misc - by morgan_rumm (woman) -

Today, I was at a party, and someone called the cops on us. I dove into a bush that turned out to have thorns. I got multiple cuts and a sprained wrist, and got arrested anyway. Its kind of hard to hide from the police when you're screaming in agony. FML

#21213929
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34852) - you deserved it (2192)

On 07/19/2014 at 7:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend, because he's too manipulative. By the time our chat ended, instead of being single, I'm somehow now committed to going on vacation with him and his family. FML

#21216217
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34472) - you deserved it (948)

On 07/21/2014 at 11:58am - love - by whatjusthappened - United States (Oklahoma)



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