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August 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML

#21232277
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43062) - you deserved it (3918)

On 08/08/2014 at 2:05am - intimacy - by pocketrocket90 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my elderly mother explained that, "I don't need my glasses to drive, I just need them to see." FML

#21228755
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34959) - you deserved it (2496)

On 08/03/2014 at 8:47pm - misc - by scared - Canada

Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. 10 minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's asscrack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML

#21232670
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34947) - you deserved it (11287)

On 08/08/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by FUCK YOU (man) - United States

Today, I went to a café and got some soup. When I was done, a nice waiter came over and offered to take my mostly empty soup bowl. I quickly at the last of it, looked up smiling and said "thanks". The soup dribbled out of my mouth and onto his hand. FML

#21237898
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32474) - you deserved it (9271)

On 08/15/2014 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML

#21242424
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18100) - you deserved it (3396)

On 08/21/2014 at 12:36pm - misc - by royallymessedup -

Today, I went to get my hair cut. My stylist had the greatest tattoo of a rat on her arm. I spent the whole appointment thinking about how cool the tattoo was, and what an interesting person she must be to choose such a thing. So I complimented her on it and she said, "Oh it's a wolf." FML

#21239690
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34530) - you deserved it (5931)

On 08/17/2014 at 11:19am - misc - by Etrius (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I finally felt ready for intimacy with my boyfriend, and I sent him a sexy picture of myself topless. He texted back, "Ewwwww." FML

#21232655
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40985) - you deserved it (6573)

On 08/08/2014 at 5:05pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Israel

Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML

#21241122
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29998) - you deserved it (8320)

On 08/19/2014 at 5:54pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while taking out the trash, I swung the bag back and forth, which caused it to slide across my leg. An opened aluminum can inside the bag ended up slicing through my calf, causing heavy bleeding. Baked beans sent me to the hospital. FML

Today, at the pool, I decided to face my fears and go off the high dive. I slipped off the edge and did a barrel roll into the pool while screaming like a little girl. FML

#21231087
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32287) - you deserved it (5499)

On 08/06/2014 at 5:14pm - misc - by poolfail -

Today, my coworkers and I were comparing the backgrounds we have on our phones. They pretty much sum up our love lives; everyone else's background is a photo of their boyfriend or girlfriend. Mine's a photo of a lifeless desert. FML

#21235038
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34140) - you deserved it (4075) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/11/2014 at 3:05pm - love - by Fennec (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my husband jolted in bed and while still half-asleep said, "I had a nightmare; I dreamt we had a kid." I'm 8 months pregnant. FML

#21232311
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38867) - you deserved it (3108) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/08/2014 at 12:27am - kids - by mamagelmane (woman) - France (Lorraine)

Today, my boyfriend laid his head on my bare chest and said, "You're like my mother." FML

#21229751
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40815) - you deserved it (3508)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:40am - love - by motherlover (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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