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May 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my mom decided to have a get together at my house while I was at work. When I came home, she pulled me aside and asked me to pretend to be her maid. FML

#21403387
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29054) - you deserved it (1981)

On 05/02/2015 at 12:54pm - misc - by Eternal Servitude - United States (California)

Today, I found out my mom put breast milk in my cereal until I was 7 years old. FML

#21413959
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29230) - you deserved it (2653)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:17am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got screamed at to the point of tears by a Starbucks employee for "giving an obviously fake name" to confuse one of the employees. I told her my real name. My name is Ian. FML

#21404461
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31863) - you deserved it (2346)

On 05/04/2015 at 12:28pm - misc - by to_complicated_4_u - United States (New York)

Today, I bought an expensive video game and decided to show it off and post a photo of it on Instagram. When I got home to play it, it rejected my activation key. I then realised it was showing in the Instagram post. FML

#21411390
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12029) - you deserved it (41803)

On 05/17/2015 at 9:09am - misc - by PISSED OFF - Australia

Today, after a broken smoke detector in my home caused the fire department to come, I got an angry visit from my neighbor who was upset because she had parked in front of a fire hydrant and got a ticket. She demands that I pay it, "or else." FML

#21415473
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26393) - you deserved it (1911)

On 05/25/2015 at 12:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my dad got over his aversion to tight pants, giving everyone at the DMV a good look at his package in skin-tight blue jeans. FML

#21402857
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24562) - you deserved it (2036)

On 05/01/2015 at 11:25am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend at work. Because she was "bored and didn't feel like seeing me" she thought it would be funny to call security and claim that I was stalking her. There is now a picture of my face at her workplace, and anytime I "pester her again" the cops will show up. FML

#21408859
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28927) - you deserved it (3831)

On 05/12/2015 at 8:53am - intimacy - by Darryl - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went to a domestic violence counseling group. I was the only male there, and I explained that my girlfriend punches me in the face in front of my kids. Everyone started laughing. FML

Today, my mother asked me how pasta is harvested. She actually thought it grew out of the ground. FML

#21408925
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26697) - you deserved it (2160)

On 05/12/2015 at 12:37pm - misc - by a - United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead)

Today, my boyfriend decided to suddenly stop in the middle of sex, just as I was actually starting to enjoy myself, just to bear hug me and exclaim, "Crikey, she's angry!" in the voice of Steve Irwin. He laughed so hard at his own joke that he went soft and couldn't continue. FML

#21410853
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29227) - you deserved it (2749)

On 05/16/2015 at 5:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Aberdeen City)

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

#21406233
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31647) - you deserved it (5292)

On 05/07/2015 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by pleasedie - United States (Florida)

Today, I finally found a bug I had been trying to get rid of. When I removed my bra, I noticed what looked like a piece of bug on it. Apparently, the bug was flattened and suffocated by my boob the entire day. FML

#21414219
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23214) - you deserved it (2320)

On 05/22/2015 at 10:26pm - misc - by Kurda (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend and I somehow got into the conversation of what the weirdest thing we have ever found in food was. She said she found paper in her fortune cookie; she was serious. FML

#21406274
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28523) - you deserved it (2497)

On 05/07/2015 at 3:52pm - misc - by Random737193 - United States (New Jersey)



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