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June 2016

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Today, my work directory was updated to reflect my recent promotion. Due to lack of space, they abbreviated the title. I'm now listed as "Sr Anal". FML

by Muchacha22 / 06/20/2016 at 1:25pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I found out I got a 97 on my physics final exam. I was curious about the question I missed, so I went up to my teacher and asked. He was very confused and checked my grade again before telling me, "Oh my bad, it was meant to be a 79." FML

by Jokkim / 06/20/2016 at 2:24pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, as part of my job at a pet store, I helped our frat house president pick out goldfish for the new aquarium the big brothers are installing over summer break. And, once I'm initiated, I'll get to swallow one of the fish. FML

by Fish Breath / 06/03/2016 at 6:26pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I gave my dad $40 and asked him if he can get me lunch on his way back home. Long story short he came back empty handed telling me it was my fault for trusting him with McNuggets. FML

by Dmessmer1 / 06/05/2016 at 4:37am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, the police finally recovered my stolen car. All it took was a shootout and two people dying. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2016 at 3:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking through a field with my boyfriend and he picked me some pretty flowers. I hugged him and leant in to sniff them. In doing so, I inhaled a bee up my nose and had to force it out my swollen nostril after it had stung me. FML

by lyinginbed / 06/04/2016 at 3:45pm / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I was standing on the patio when one of my upstairs neighbors threw a cigarette butt over the balcony. It landed on my head and burned some of my hair. FML

by RingofFire / 06/03/2016 at 7:23pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on a long roadtrip with my son. My son said he has to pee to which I answered he had to wait till I can stop the car. He started counting backwards from 10. I couldn't stop in time. FML

by Carnage23 / 06/05/2016 at 8:38am / Germany (Hessen) / Kids

Today, I let my brother babysit my 6-year-old daughter. She learned 2 new words from him. One of them was "Hail" and the other one was "Satan". FML

by thedancingtit / 06/07/2016 at 1:11am / United States (Alaska) / Kids

Today, my 3-year-old girl accidentally caught sight of me stepping out of the shower. Now she thinks "daddy has a tail" and she just has to let everyone know about it. FML

by Fido / 06/06/2016 at 7:58am / United States / Kids

Today, after months of living on five dollars a day for food in college, I found out my parents bought me an expensive meal plan and forgot to mention it. FML

by malnourishedstudent / 06/08/2016 at 4:38am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I went to the bathroom in a mall. As I was in the stall, a woman tried to open it. I yelled out that's it was occupied but she kept shaking it to open it. It came up to the point where she had to crawl under the door to see that I was there. FML

by ReineXre / 06/14/2016 at 8:00pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my 10-year-old son introduced me to Tom, his new best friend, and insisted we have him over to dinner. Tom is a slug. FML

by spadesmollusques / 06/06/2016 at 1:13am / France (Alsace) / Kids