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April 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my professor ran half a mile in the pouring rain just to return my cell phone, which I had left behind in lecture. Shocked and embarrassed, I exclaimed, "You shouldn't have!" "Damn right," he responded, "I'm 64 years old." FML

#21113974
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33235) - you deserved it (9358)

On 04/15/2014 at 7:18pm - work - by sad but true. - United States (Connecticut)

Today, for our 25th anniversary, my husband and I had dinner on a cruise ship, a dinner we had been planning for months. Upon boarding, I realized the expensive dress that I had bought just for the occasion had exactly the same print as the chair covers and the carpet. The cruise lasted 8 hours. FML

#21102655
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38063) - you deserved it (5415)

On 04/02/2014 at 4:13am - misc - by Why (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML

#21102110
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41500) - you deserved it (4731)

On 04/01/2014 at 5:41pm - kids - by derped-out sperm (man) - Ireland

Today, my mom brought her sleazy boyfriend home. He took one look at me, swatted my ass, and said, "It runs in the family." My mom just laughed and winked at me, and mouthed, "He's a keeper!" FML

#21103666
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51179) - you deserved it (3237)

On 04/03/2014 at 1:22pm - love - by wiona (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my parents made a game out of deliberately walking in when I'm trying to masturbate. They even turn on all the hot water taps when I'm trying to do it in the shower. FML

#21115891
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32653) - you deserved it (11571)

On 04/17/2014 at 10:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, at the café I work at, I was yelled at by a woman because the drinks and food she ordered were "taking too long". Before I had the chance to get a word in, she stormed out and said she would never come back. I didn't get the chance to inform her that she hadn't ordered yet. FML

#21106207
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40464) - you deserved it (2704)

On 04/06/2014 at 8:20pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, it's the last day of my sign language class. At the end of the class, my teacher surprised us by speaking for the first time, also surprising everyone that she wasn't actually deaf. It wouldn't have been so bad had I not just given someone an answer to the test, thinking she couldn't hear me. FML

Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML

#21116530
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18267) - you deserved it (31404)

On 04/18/2014 at 5:31pm - kids - by cantprovenothing (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML

#21117679
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19100) - you deserved it (1829)

On 04/20/2014 at 12:03am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex and in the heat of the moment I cried out for him to go harder. He had an exasperated expression on his face, and in an adamantly offended tone he said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he stopped and left the room. FML

#21115855
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35753) - you deserved it (4353)

On 04/17/2014 at 10:27pm - intimacy - by belljars (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I borrowed my friend's car to go deliver a tent I sold online. His possessive girlfriend tailed me, not knowing I was driving. She then rear-ended me when I stopped, thinking I was her man, and was cheating. When she realized the situation, she accused me of hiding him. FML

Today, I witnessed my psycho neighbor put her cat in a cage, cross into my backyard, and set the cage down before returning to her house. She then called the cops and claimed I'd stolen her cat. The cops didn't believe my side of the story for a second. FML

#21106030
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41867) - you deserved it (2572)

On 04/06/2014 at 3:37pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I brought home my 3D glasses after a movie. I had a laugh about it until I realized that I put my $100 sunglasses in the recycle box outside of the theatre instead. FML

#21109576
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33177) - you deserved it (18673)

On 04/10/2014 at 4:52pm - money - by BobRyder (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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