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April 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

#21389410
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27686) - you deserved it (3356)

On 04/07/2015 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out that turkeys can fly. I also found out how much a new windshield costs. FML

#21392388
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29294) - you deserved it (2464)

On 04/12/2015 at 2:29pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I found out that my family and friends all laugh and compare me to Spongebob behind my back. Why? Because I'm 37 and still can't pass my driver's test. FML

#21391668
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27961) - you deserved it (16549)

On 04/11/2015 at 3:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost my virginity in a porta-potty. FML

#21389255
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16725) - you deserved it (41753)

On 04/07/2015 at 12:19pm - love - by NotALuckyGuy - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got a 'Good Morning' text from my boyfriend. Since I hadn't gotten one of those in a while, I thought it was rather nice. That is, until I saw the picture that accompanied it. It was of him, sitting on the toilet and taking a shit. FML

#21390594
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26870) - you deserved it (3219)

On 04/09/2015 at 11:10am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I showed a kid how to knock somebody out for self defense. He then knocked me unconscious with the same method I'd just showed him. FML

#21390911
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26152) - you deserved it (9442)

On 04/09/2015 at 9:02pm - misc - by Jakesssss - United States (Ohio)

Today, my roommate's noisiest cat passed away. My previously-silent cat has decided that someone has to fill the void, and has been running around the apartment howling ever since. FML

#21391230
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27031) - you deserved it (3081)

On 04/10/2015 at 11:20am - animals - by Crazy cat lady - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my 3-year-old broke his glasses, clogged the toilet with Hot Wheel cars, and covered the whole house with Cheerios. All in a matter of roughly 6 minutes while I was putting laundry away. FML

#21393865
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29701) - you deserved it (3326)

On 04/15/2015 at 12:17am - kids - by mommylife (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I invited a guy I've been crushing on for ages to my house, and I really wanted to make a good impression. We were sitting in the living room having drinks when my cat came in, dragging a pair of my dirty underwear and dropped them right in front of us. FML

#21394577
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30539) - you deserved it (3811)

On 04/16/2015 at 9:10am - animals - by HM (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I was staying at my boyfriend's house while he was at work, and put on his pants to make some tea. As I took my hot tea and laptop upstairs, the pants slowly started to fall down. I had to keep climbing with my pants around my knees, and shuffle awkwardly past my boyfriend's father. FML

#21399154
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21575) - you deserved it (6878)

On 04/24/2015 at 6:38pm - misc - by Bullet4MyChemaMo - Ireland (Cork)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a really drunk couple staggered into the store I work at. One of them yelled at me, "Hey you! Kid! Tell us where the booze is at!" This would have been funny if these people weren't my parents. FML

#21384902
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26290) - you deserved it (2284)

On 03/31/2015 at 7:32pm - work - by DrunkParents - United States (Montana)

Today, I was outside with my two new kittens. A woman came rushing over, saying how glad she was that they were outside. She then started complaining that she had only been able to see them through the windows previously. I have no idea who she is or where she lives. FML

#21389096
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30160) - you deserved it (1998)

On 04/07/2015 at 3:14am - animals - by cat.imakittycat. (woman) - New Zealand (Taranaki)

Today, I got trapped in my building's elevator for over an hour, with my dog who I had been rushing outside with because he had explosive diarrhea. FML

#21391716
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33403) - you deserved it (2487)

On 04/11/2015 at 8:12am - animals - by Crappy - Canada (Ontario)



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