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May 2016

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Today, the only part of my Psychology final that I was 100% confident in was my name. FML

by canwesayfail / 05/17/2016 at 10:20pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, my boyfriend and I were on a date and he starts complaining about how his back is hurting him. He complains the whole evening. Fast forward to later that night, we are in bed so I ask him if he was feeling OK. He says, "I guess so. I'm just confused about my feelings for you." FML

by bluskyz1979 / 05/17/2016 at 11:32am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my plan to prank my husband backfired when I forgot about the "pop-its" I left under the toilet seat and set them off. It not only scared the shit out of me, it also woke up my 2 month-old and my grumpy husband. FML

by TotallyDeservedIt / 05/19/2016 at 1:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to hear dripping water in the kitchen. Thinking it was someone getting a glass of water or something, I came out to find that it was just a mouse drowning in my dog's water bowl. FML

by ShouldIHelpIt / 05/17/2016 at 10:46pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, I needed the toilet in the night. Walking through my pitch black house barefoot, I felt something squish beneath my heel. Thinking it was a morsel of previously dropped food, I turned on the light to clean it up. My eyes met a twitching gecko body, with a flattened, exploded head. FML

by Kakapo4Ever / 05/20/2016 at 5:01am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, out of my whole class, I received no awards. All my teachers thought that I would get plenty from the others. Now people think I'm stupid. I have a 3.66 GPA and they won't believe me. FML

by Llamadroid / 05/22/2016 at 2:19pm / United States (California) / Geek

Today, I asked about 30 students and 3 of my teachers to sign my yearbook. So far, only my math teacher agreed to write in it. He wrote, "You need to try harder next year." FML

by sastgamer / 05/21/2016 at 1:46pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was instructing our new third grade students about how our martial arts classes are safer than people think, someone broke their leg right in front of their innocent faces. They saw the bone sticking out. FML

by muaythaiboss / 05/22/2016 at 1:45pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I woke up at 6:30 this morning, but I didn't have to be at work till 11. I walked the dog, made breakfast and read for a little bit. I then woke up again at 11:30. FML

by Seriouslynow / 05/22/2016 at 1:55pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I felt an itch on my neck. naturally, I scratched it. After about 5 minutes of scratching, I realized that I've been scratching a dead fly on the back of my neck. FML

Today, I was playing basketball in the searing heat with my friends. I jokingly told my friend that I was gonna die if I stayed out there much longer. Two minutes later, I got the ball and made the shot that won. Too bad I didn't see it, since I collapsed right as I took the shot and blacked out. FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2016 at 12:07am / United States (South Carolina) / Health

Today, upon my arrival at work, I was greeted by 2 police officers, 2 managers, my coworker, and a meth-head in my office. They quickly told me that the meth-head was wearing stolen merchandise under her clothes, then left me alone with her, saying I had to watch her undress. FML

by Undercover_Agent / 05/25/2016 at 2:04am / United States (Iowa) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I think I've finally gotten past the food poisoning that caused me to puke so violently that I pulled muscles in my abdomen and chest. Unfortunately, some of that vomit hung around long enough to give me a sinus infection. FML

by why?? / 05/24/2016 at 9:29am / United States / Health