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August 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was lying on a couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML

#21459977
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18211) - you deserved it (7933)

On 08/24/2015 at 4:46am - misc - by Annie (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, the professor I've had a crush on informed me that there's only one way left I could still pass his course. Thinking this was an attempt to flirt with me, I told him I'd do anything he could imagine. He then looked confused when he asked me to write an essay. FML

#21458908
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9481) - you deserved it (28269)

On 08/21/2015 at 3:43pm - misc - by notwhatithought (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, even after explaining to my boyfriend that I was self conscious about my breasts because they're slightly misshaped, he still persisted with begging me for a tit pic, saying he would still see me as beautiful. I gave in and sent one. He responded with "LOL WHAT ARE THOOOOOOSSSEE." FML

#21459438
161 comments

Today, my car is being repaired, so I had to catch a bus to work. When the bus came, the driver pulled toward the curb and gunned it through a large puddle of water, then pulled away and continued down the road, leaving me soaking wet. FML

#21457982
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21272) - you deserved it (1313)

On 08/19/2015 at 9:54am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML

#21458762
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21670) - you deserved it (7924)

On 08/21/2015 at 4:33am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I spent an hour trying to sleep before work, but I couldn't because my two dogs wouldn't stop barking. Completely pissed off, I finally went and told the little fuck nuggets to shut the shit up. I was then immediately knocked unconscious by the burglar in my house. FML

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

#21460410
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20647) - you deserved it (5155)

On 08/25/2015 at 3:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML

#21458894
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26885) - you deserved it (2196)

On 08/21/2015 at 3:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I woke up from a dream in which my girlfriend gave birth to a litter of puppies. I can't even look at her now without getting nauseous. FML

#21459180
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21790) - you deserved it (2589)

On 08/22/2015 at 3:30am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was talking to a colleague about love. He told me he's given up on love because things ended badly with a previous girl. I said, "Maybe it wasn't meant to be, and she wasn't the one." He then said the reason it didn't work out was because she killed herself. FML

#21458398
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23779) - you deserved it (3607)

On 08/20/2015 at 8:37am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, I was eating and my dog kept bothering me. She kept scratching my legs for food, so I took a large piece of fish from my plate and tossed it out into the hallway. It flew right into my mother's face. FML

#21459109
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18483) - you deserved it (7078)

On 08/21/2015 at 11:55pm - misc - by FishFlingingMonkey (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I learned that it's possible to get hit by a bird while bungee jumping. FML

#21458053
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20555) - you deserved it (1783)

On 08/19/2015 at 1:44pm - misc - by SebastianCT - United States (Florida)

Today, at my sister's wedding, I got my 15 month old son to 'sign' the big guest book. I gave him a pen and was hoping for a cute little squiggle or something. But no, he managed to draw something that looked uncannily like a big swastika. FML

#21459659
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12645) - you deserved it (12090)

On 08/23/2015 at 12:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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