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October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my son was crying because he's afraid he might get Ebola. We live in Maine, and he's 16. FML

Today, my brother and I were talking about Ebola, when he says he would love to have the disease because of how famous it would make him. Plus, his college essays about him "fighting through the disease" would be "phenomenal". FML

#21278125
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33477) - you deserved it (3009)

On 10/15/2014 at 12:55am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend decided he's asexual and dumped me on the spot. FML

#21276883
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35501) - you deserved it (4034)

On 10/13/2014 at 1:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML

#21280619
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26116) - you deserved it (10257)

On 10/18/2014 at 7:05pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my colleague and I played yet another wonderful game of 'Tapeworm or Toilet Paper?' in the homeless shelter's toilets we were asked to clean. FML

#21270023
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29094) - you deserved it (3341)

On 10/03/2014 at 7:29am - work - by whydoidothis (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, the steroids I was prescribed for a slightly irritating sinus infection have worked, albeit at the price of making me almost shit my pants multiple times. My sinuses are now clear enough that I get the full scent of my steroid-induced diarrhea. FML

#21279069
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28114) - you deserved it (2513)

On 10/16/2014 at 12:44pm - health - by roidrager (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I showed up to work and my boss was nowhere to be found. A phone call later, I find out he's in Dubai. Oh, and since I'm his personal assistant, I should be able to take care of matters until he gets back. I've only been his assistant for a week. FML

#21281510
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27872) - you deserved it (2018)

On 10/20/2014 at 12:53am - work - by are you kidding me - United States (Kansas)

Today, I started at a new school. It's a pretty great school, but there's only one problem: Everybody thinks I'm a teacher. I'm only a freshman. FML

#21273859
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33173) - you deserved it (2812)

On 10/08/2014 at 10:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my co-worker told me that my other co-worker is in the process of getting a divorce. I got really excited because his marriage is very toxic. He overheard me say, "He deserves that divorce!" I meant it in a good way, but I don't think he took it that way. FML

#21268618
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30289) - you deserved it (10346)

On 09/30/2014 at 10:20pm - work - by oopsydaisy (woman) - United States

Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML

#21281417
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25798) - you deserved it (2012)

On 10/19/2014 at 11:00pm - animals - by Why Me - United States (Indiana)

Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML

#21281851
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25615) - you deserved it (1786)

On 10/20/2014 at 5:04pm - work - by Bartender - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my co-worker spent the afternoon taking online personality quizzes and messaging everyone the results. She was particularly proud of one which told her she was a hard-working overachiever. My boss walked by just as the message for that one popped up and I got in trouble for slacking off. FML

#21273209
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28082) - you deserved it (2315)

On 10/07/2014 at 11:15pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after months of job hunting, I started a new job in a deli. I've been a vegetarian since I was 13, but it was the only job I could find. Turns out, I'm allergic to the preservatives they use, as my fingers now resemble sausages. Guess it's time to start job hunting again. FML



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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