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August 2016

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Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I had a fever from a stomach virus. I was shivering with cold sweats while she explained there was nothing wrong with our relationship, but she would regret not giving her cheating ex a second chance. FML

by sick and lonely / 08/26/2016 at 11:19pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually lose anything. Instead, my mom drunkenly admitted to tossing my stuff away and then punishing me for it whenever she was mad at me. FML

by WellPlayedMother / 08/24/2016 at 2:15am / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to my husband's face. That'd be nice if he hadn't turned his eyelids inside out, waiting to scare me. I was scared alright. So scared that I pissed myself and broke my side table falling out of bed. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2016 at 10:26am / Health

Today, my soon-to-be ex-wife decided she'll be moving into my apartment complex. She always goes out of her way to pick fights with me every chance she gets, has alienated my children from me and has made what should be a very simple divorce into a ridiculously long and contentious one. FML

by still_not_divorced / 08/26/2016 at 9:46pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I started my first day at work. When I used the bathroom, I thought I was peeing into the bowl but it was actually leaking out. My pants kindly cleaned up the mess. FML

by PeedMaPants / 08/15/2016 at 8:04pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Work

Today, I went to my first job interview. I didn't think I was doing too badly, until the interviewer said, "Wait a second, you're in high school?" I explained that the guy who'd called me had said that this wouldn't be a problem. I then watched as my interviewer left his desk to "deal" with him. FML

by DeepFriedZombie / 08/08/2016 at 8:18pm / Work

Today, I got so anxious while trying to fight the ticket I got earlier this month that I passed out in front of the judge. FML

by so embarrassing / 08/02/2016 at 2:27am / United States (Washington) / Transportation

Today, my mom said, "I'm sorry your life is such shit." She meant it as an apology. FML

by Jack / 08/08/2016 at 8:23pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a job interview. I really needed the job to keep my apartment. As I was being interviewed, the manager looked past me and stared off into space. There goes the job and my apartment. FML

by lulupie / 08/08/2016 at 5:10am / Work

Today, after cleaning the whole house, I still couldn't get rid of the foul smell. Later, my roommate revealed his new place to "stash and dry" his socks: The ventilation ducts. FML

by stinkystinky / 08/12/2016 at 1:32pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I got yelled at in my office. It's construction, and I'm the youngest woman. One of my male bosses yelled at me because grown-ass adults won't sign in the log. Either I get my ass kicked by construction guys over a sign-in sheet, or yelled at by my boss. I can't win. FML

by xAdtrx3x / 08/11/2016 at 2:16pm / United States (New York) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I discovered an effective form of body hair removal. I discovered that my three-year-old daughter is strong enough to pull off a major clump of my leg hair. FML

by Daddy / 08/19/2016 at 10:55am / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, my ex-husband introduced our daughter to her "new mommy". That's the third time this year. FML

by Anonymous / 08/16/2016 at 12:10pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids