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July 2016

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Today, I found out my fiancé is already married. His "crazy ex-wife" is not all that crazy, and is still his wife. FML

by Lifetime Presents: / 07/06/2016 at 7:50am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I went to my friend's little brother's birthday party. A few of the younger kids were hitting me with a pool noodle, and I didn't really care until a 9-year-old loudly exclaimed, "Hit her in the pussy!" FML

by punmessiah / 07/04/2016 at 2:09am / United States (Texas) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML

by ugh / 07/04/2016 at 1:26pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I gave a presentation in class. I felt pretty good about it, until afterwards when I was told I lost points for communication because I'd been chewing gum. I wasn't, I just have a speech impediment. FML

by stupidteacher / 07/05/2016 at 11:02am / China (Guizhou) / Work

Today, just like the past 2 weeks, I'm so broke that I only got to eat dinner because I went on a first date with a guy from Tinder. FML

by broke / 07/09/2016 at 3:36am / Money

Today, I found out my aunt posted a picture of my butt in a bikini bottom on Facebook. I didn't even know she had taken that picture. FML

by ClairvoyantVamp / 07/06/2016 at 7:09pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my son found a cockroach in his bed. I had to kill the thing and wash all his sheets and stuffed animals before he'd finally agree to go back to bed, three hours later. FML

by tiredmom / 07/07/2016 at 11:03am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, I clogged the toilet at my boyfriend's house. I couldn't fix it and was too ashamed to say anything. I can't handle confrontation, so I had to just sit there as my boyfriend's brother ended up getting blamed, then grounded for "lying" about it not being his fault. FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2016 at 2:47pm / Kids

Today, my husband told me I couldn't go to my morning yoga class, because he needed to leave for work at 7:30 am sharp, and I wouldn't be back in time to watch our son. It's 8:05 am and he still hasn't left for work. FML

by NoTypeOfExercise / 07/11/2016 at 11:05am / United States (California) / Love

Today, after giving a potential employee a drug test and instructing her to leave her urine sample in the bathroom, she not only brought it into the office, she spilled it on the front desk. FML

by gross / 07/14/2016 at 11:06pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I got a call from a job I had applied for. Everything went great until I realized I had applied to the wrong location, across town. I'm so broke, I went to the interview anyway. It will cost me more to pay for the gas to drive there to work, than what I will actually make. FML

by wellfuck / 07/15/2016 at 7:04pm / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today at camp, we were choosing teams for capture the flag. It's embarrassing to be chosen last, but today I learnt it's even more embarrassing to not be chosen at all. FML

by lastinclass / 07/13/2016 at 5:28pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, after months of trying to make my girlfriend orgasm, she finally did. It was with my brother. I'll definitely knock next time. FML

by Lil Bro / 07/16/2016 at 10:05pm / United Kingdom (Sandwell) / Intimacy