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September 2016

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Today, I was showing my crush/co-worker how to operate a particular piece of machinery. She exclaimed out loud, "Oh! This knob pulls out," then mumbled under her breath, "unlike my boyfriend." FML

by nicetoknow / 09/26/2016 at 8:57am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I studied all night for a big test. I ended up falling asleep on the bus ride there. I woke up in a different province. FML

by CoolGuy69 / 09/12/2016 at 7:53am / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Transportation

Today, my nose ring became a fish hook. What did I catch? My dog's harness. She nearly ripped it out of my face. FML

by CoalRose / 09/11/2016 at 4:33pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I was making a shake at work when the cup fell off the blender. I went to catch it, and instead caught the teeth of the still-spinning mixer. When my hand was still bleeding five minutes later, my supervisor told me to clock out until it stopped. I lost money for getting hurt on the job. FML

by TexasGirl24 / 09/10/2016 at 8:51am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, someone spilled ammonium hydroxide in ethanol solution in the lab, which smells like very concentrated urine. Since the experiment involved Bunsen burners, we couldn't turn on the fans. We had to work in a lab that smelled like Satan's piss for 2 hours. FML

by r1has / 09/12/2016 at 4:21am / Pakistan (Punjab) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a call from my employers wanting to ask why I had a no call, no show for today. My supervisor reported me for not showing up to work. It's my day off, and also my birthday. FML

by polkadotpinup / 09/16/2016 at 1:22pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I hooked up with a friend. I expressed an interest in it becoming something more. He expressed an interest in not telling anyone and pretending it never happened. FML

by Is_This_Real / 09/12/2016 at 10:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I had an argument with my partner, which resulted in us breaking up and me leaving. I drove for half an hour before I realised I had left my handbag, purse and licence at his place. I had to go ask for it back. FML

by kwill256 / 09/15/2016 at 6:21am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I was carjacked. As he shoved me away from my car, I got hit by another car. He and the other car both drove off. FML

by Garry the Gluten-Free Pizza / 09/13/2016 at 5:17pm / United States / Transportation

Today, I was participating in an activity to join a program which I really wanted to join. One of the teachers in charge seemed to notice my efforts and asked if I wanted to join the program. I said yes, thinking I had a chance. She laughed, shook her head before saying no and walking away. FML

by maybe next time? / 09/14/2016 at 7:57am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I got my dog some weight loss formula food, as she is very overweight. This new food makes her have horrible gas. FML

by Anonymous / 09/25/2016 at 12:27am / United States (Arkansas) / Animals

Today, I found out the 28-year-old I am dating is actually 48. FML

by bruh_im18 / 09/17/2016 at 12:18pm / United States (Louisiana) / Love

Today, I was introduced to the girl my current boyfriend went out with while dating me. FML

by hk / 09/20/2016 at 11:29am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Love