Choose the period

All time / Top of the month / Top of the week / Top of the day
May 2016

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, I accidentally left my bedroom light on all day. When I got home, my mum screamed at me for wasting electricity. This is the same woman who leaves the TV on all day while she’s at work, all so our dogs have something to watch and won't be “bored”. FML

by Anonymous / 05/15/2016 at 10:56am / Miscellaneous

Today, my cat refuses to drink from any source of water that isn't the toilet. FML

by Anonymous / 05/18/2016 at 1:55am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I realized my boyfriend's right hand gets more action in a week than I do in a month. FML

by really / 05/21/2016 at 10:23pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, while explaining to a group of kids that monkeys are very intelligent creatures, one of them flung poo in my face. FML

by Shitty day / 05/24/2016 at 1:59am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I gave a presentation for my final on class. While I was giving the speech my shirt strap broke. I ended up flashing everyone including the teacher. At least I got an A. FML

by hrs220 / 05/21/2016 at 5:55pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my class went for a hike through the woods near our school to destress during finals. While walking downhill towards the edge of the lake, I tripped and tumbled down the hill, and ended up diving head first into the lake. I had to hike back to the school soaking wet. FML

by SuperWhoMarvLock / 05/05/2016 at 9:35pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mom called me in a panic because someone had hacked my phone and was sending her evil faces. They were emojis I'd accidentally butt-dialed. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2016 at 9:07pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I want on a date with a man I met on the internet. While talking over drinks, I asked him what he did for a living. He said he was a salesman, and that he's really good at it. Interested, I asked him what it was he sold. "Cannabis." FML

by socksxox / 05/02/2016 at 5:19pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while at dinner with my wife, she asked me what was on my mind as I stared blankly at the window. "Nothing" was interpreted as, "We are boring, and can't stand each other." FML

by boringhusband / 05/08/2016 at 10:29am / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, while directing traffic in uniform, I tripped over a traffic cone and fell straight on my butt in the middle of a busy intersection. FML

by onemoredonut / 05/02/2016 at 9:39pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, my boss sent me a message about a project, via WhatsApp. It's my day off, so I figured it could wait till I was able to give a flying fuck. Literally a minute later, he was spamming me, demanding to know why I'd left him as read and reminding me that he has firing powers. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2016 at 12:56am / United States (New Hampshire) / Work

Today, I opened up an English textbook to find someone else's dirty fingernails between the pages. FML

by Marcipaud / 05/05/2016 at 1:51pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, a boy kissed me for the first time. He then blocked me on Facebook. FML

by RandomJam124 / 05/04/2016 at 5:33pm / United States (New York) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.