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April 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I explained to my sister that the reason she isn't getting job offers is probably because her résumé is in Comic Sans and contains TXT language and a lot of typos. She thanked me for my help by calling me a "clueless horse-fucker" and telling me to shut my mouth. FML

#21387066
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26996) - you deserved it (2011)

On 04/03/2015 at 2:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, a parent of one of the students I teach called me to complain that I was teaching her child "lies" and "fairytales". I was teaching them about the Holocaust. FML

#21390720
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32947) - you deserved it (1807)

On 04/09/2015 at 3:38pm - work - by PrettySureItsReal - United States (Missouri)

Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML

#21387543
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31733) - you deserved it (2498)

On 04/04/2015 at 1:32pm - health - by fuck right off (man) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, after pulling an all-nighter studying for an exam, I caught the bus to college. On the way there, the bus decided to make sweet love to a taxi, creating a pile-up and a traffic jam. I didn't make it to the exam in time. FML

#21389932
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28466) - you deserved it (1916)

On 04/08/2015 at 10:43am - misc - by rUs7up1d (man) - Guatemala (Guatemala)

Today, I found out just how much my dog likes ice-cream when she tackled a little girl at a park for hers. FML

Today, I had to arrest my own boyfriend for public sex. FML

#21399557
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26836) - you deserved it (1936)

On 04/25/2015 at 4:05pm - love - by RBergman - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend when we came across the most beautiful piece of Japanese furniture. When I inspected it closely, my boyfriend started laughing. Turns out I was making the same noise I make when I orgasm in reaction to a piece of furniture. FML

#21386402
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25291) - you deserved it (4145)

On 04/02/2015 at 8:20am - misc - by Repethetic (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had to get stitches in my vagina due to an unfortunate mishap while climbing a fence. FML

#21389569
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32177) - you deserved it (4720)

On 04/07/2015 at 8:47pm - misc - by burnswhenipee - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked in on my 17-year-old brother jerking it to a scene from the movie Frozen. Brain bleach, please. FML

#21390007
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34754) - you deserved it (3626)

On 04/08/2015 at 1:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to explain to my rabidly religious brother how two transvestites can buy fish at Petco while he's buying the same fish at the same Petco, and it doesn't equate to hitting on him. It's been two hours, and he's still sitting outside my door reading Bible verses and praying aggressively. FML

#21392651
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28355) - you deserved it (2360)

On 04/12/2015 at 10:51pm - misc - by mademoiselle meurtre (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my best friend can now say "I fucked your mom" to me and actually mean it. FML

#21397883
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36691) - you deserved it (2602)

On 04/22/2015 at 10:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went to the dentist for the first time in years. His first comment upon inspecting my teeth: "Meth. Hell of a drug." FML

#21395729
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27084) - you deserved it (9813)

On 04/18/2015 at 12:45pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date with a cute guy I met at a bookstore. He stood up and said he was leaving when I said that I didn't like 50 Shades of Grey, because he, "doesn't want to be near a bitch who doesn't know her place". He then told me to give him a ride home. FML

#21392816
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33523) - you deserved it (2813)

On 04/13/2015 at 6:43am - love - by whymanwhy (woman) - Czech Republic



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