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October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but I was so nervous that I had a panic attack, fainted and split my head open. My girlfriend then fainted at the sight of the blood. An onlooker had to call an ambulance for both of us. FML

#21280696
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29484) - you deserved it (2982)

On 10/18/2014 at 9:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML

#21276776
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31228) - you deserved it (4396)

On 10/13/2014 at 6:20am - intimacy - by Drafrica (woman) - South Africa

Today, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy, so I sat on the edge of the bed to regain my balance. I started dozing off to sleep again, got confused, and peed down the side of my bed thinking I was on the toilet. FML

#21272641
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34332) - you deserved it (9132)

On 10/07/2014 at 7:33am - misc - by Waterfalls (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that if you give a squirrel a cookie, he'll climb up your pants in search of more cookies. FML

Today, I found out I'm allergic to condoms. Which would be great if my girlfriend wasn't allergic to birth control. FML

#21270163
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41957) - you deserved it (3620)

On 10/03/2014 at 3:04pm - health - by oncehipjr (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I told my mom that once I leave school, I want to join the clergy, and how much it meant to me. Her response: "Never knew you wanted to molest kids so much!" FML

#21270314
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29814) - you deserved it (6307)

On 10/03/2014 at 9:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, my boyfriend and I were roleplaying therapist and patient in bed. When I playfully asked him what bothered him, he told me his mother hates him and burst into tears. FML

#21269125
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37637) - you deserved it (4715)

On 10/01/2014 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by notatherapist - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML

#21278356
308 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24486) - you deserved it (48792)

On 10/15/2014 at 1:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I showed my mom a picture of a baby sloth. She then said, "Wait, sloths are real?" She thought Ice Age made them up. FML

#21273306
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35384) - you deserved it (3029)

On 10/08/2014 at 2:02am - animals - by queenmeme - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML

#21279390
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34031) - you deserved it (5503)

On 10/16/2014 at 9:27pm - love - by highfive - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I asked a passenger what he wanted to drink. When he said marijuana, I started making pot jokes. He really asked for mineral water. I was given a drug test when we landed. FML

#21269829
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29667) - you deserved it (10220)

On 10/02/2014 at 9:55pm - work - by stewardess - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML

#21271220
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35025) - you deserved it (3004)

On 10/05/2014 at 1:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my friends and I went paintballing. The instructor showed us the sound of an unloaded gun by shooting at my face. It wasn't unloaded. FML

#21277056
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41875) - you deserved it (2913)

On 10/13/2014 at 5:33pm - health - by clumsylobster - Australia (Western Australia)



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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