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June 2016

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Today, a week after spending most of my paycheck on a down-payment and rent on a new apartment, I found out the "landlord" I paid was a scammer. Turns out the real owner was away on vacation, and he'd stolen most of her stuff before showing me the place. FML

by Scammed / 06/05/2016 at 2:26pm / Mexico (Baja California) / Money

Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML

by PerfectBoyfriend / 06/07/2016 at 12:38pm / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Intimacy

Today, my wife said she was going to her friend's place to help her with couponing. She started getting ready at 5pm; shaved her legs, did her hair, put on skin-tight leggings and a low-cut top. Left at 6pm, snuck back in at 2:50am. Shit, couponing must be really exciting. FML

by Anonymous / 06/11/2016 at 1:15am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my sister found and read my journal. My first entry talked about how I shaved my ass for the first time. FML

by poorbeauty / 06/10/2016 at 6:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my work directory was updated to reflect my recent promotion. Due to lack of space, they abbreviated the title. I'm now listed as "Sr Anal". FML

by Muchacha22 / 06/20/2016 at 1:25pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I said no, she started crying so much that her mom came out 5 minutes later and demanded that I give her daughter the dog. FML

by Anonymous / 06/21/2016 at 10:45pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids

Today, I caught my soon to be husband screwing our wedding planner. FML

by meowymomma / 06/25/2016 at 3:21pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was added to a random group chat. They were planning to film a porno and each member sent a nude. They were all grannies. FML

by PumaGator / 06/04/2016 at 4:39pm / Intimacy

Today, I set my phone down at work in the back while I helped a customer. When I came back it was gone. It took me twenty minutes to find, duct taped to the ceiling. FML

by oh no / 06/06/2016 at 11:45am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house with his family. A kitten walks over to me with an engagement ring tied to its collar and a note that says "Marry Me?" I got super excited, only to find out that it was for his brother's girlfriend of 10 months, not me. We've been together 4 years. FML

by Still No Ring / 06/15/2016 at 5:49pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I was once again called a "selfish bitch" because I don't want kids, even though I can't provide for them mentally, emotionally, physically or financially. FML

Today, I found out I got a 97 on my physics final exam. I was curious about the question I missed, so I went up to my teacher and asked. He was very confused and checked my grade again before telling me, "Oh my bad, it was meant to be a 79." FML

by Jokkim / 06/20/2016 at 2:24pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, at the age of 27, I learnt that your tonsils aren't the dangly bit at the back of your throat. I work in healthcare. FML

by Medfail / 06/20/2016 at 3:13am / United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset) / Health