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March 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my mother taught my 98-year-old great-uncle to knock on the wall if he needs us. He can't remember who we are; but every hour he can remember to knock to ask, "Is it breakfast yet?" FML

#21089766
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36448) - you deserved it (3764)

On 03/18/2014 at 4:36am - misc - by can't sleep - United States (Indiana)

Today, my boyfriend stormed out after I suggested to him that his relationship with his mother is maybe a little weird. Apparently having regular, hour-long phone discussions about your penis is a perfectly normal thing for a 23-year-old to have with his mother. FML

#21089774
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53578) - you deserved it (6504)

On 03/18/2014 at 5:14am - intimacy - by tiredofcrazy (woman) - Australia

Today, my non-English-speaking grandma bought me a new t-shirt. It would've been sweet if it didn't have the word "bondage" written on the back in pretty, bold letters. I had no choice but to wear it while we went shopping. FML

#21094283
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33766) - you deserved it (3245)

On 03/23/2014 at 12:59pm - misc - by Anonymous - Egypt

Today, my boyfriend asked why I never let him go down on me. I told him that it doesn't do much for me, even though it really does. I didn't have the courage to tell him that it's because he acts like a rabid dog when he does. FML

Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML

#21086172
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45543) - you deserved it (6476)

On 03/14/2014 at 12:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was fired over the phone, losing my only source of income. When asked if I was okay, I explained that although I understood why, I was a little peeved they'd chosen my birthday to deliver the message. My - now former - boss then sang "Happy Birthday" to me in its entirety. FML

#21090716
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41414) - you deserved it (3891)

On 03/19/2014 at 8:28am - work - by pale-suzie (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while. I swear I couldn't help it when the words "Wow, I bet you really regret that haircut." came out of my mouth. FML

#21074690
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21092) - you deserved it (39491)

On 03/01/2014 at 3:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm bisexual. He dumped me because apparently now there is "too much competition". FML

#21081103
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42924) - you deserved it (12775)

On 03/08/2014 at 4:23am - love - by biwhat (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my dad told me that I can't wear leggings on Friday nights, because, "your butt is too distracting for my poker buddies." FML

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She'd walked in on me jerking off, which she said is exactly the same as cheating on her. FML

#21082250
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49527) - you deserved it (8899)

On 03/09/2014 at 2:38pm - intimacy - by fuck russia and fuck georgia too (man) - Azerbaijan

Today, I got back from a two-week vacation. During my vacation, I had a friend from work watch my puppy. My puppy now likes him more than me, and won't stop whining sadly since he left. FML

#21081418
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38588) - you deserved it (7137)

On 03/08/2014 at 3:06pm - animals - by chuchundra (woman) - United States

Today, I was tanning nude in my backyard, when I took a picture of our dog lying in the grass and sent it to my dad. It was only after I looked at the picture indoors that I realized my nipple had made it into the picture too. FML

#21086753
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37571) - you deserved it (32506)

On 03/14/2014 at 7:23pm - intimacy - by why - United States (California)

Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML

#21092834
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38765) - you deserved it (3112)

On 03/21/2014 at 5:44pm - health - by iusedprotectionanyway (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)



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